JUST A THOUGHT....:)

Good day...good day....

A friend asked me, why I keep on writing in my blog when apparently there are only few people read it and only 5 follow it.

Well, the truth is, I do hope more people will read my blog but I sometimes forgot that I only have 5 followers. :) But I do appreciate those 5 persons that follow. So much, in fact.

But it is fine. I write because I wanted to, not for the satisfaction of others but my own. I love writing and reading. I love to share good things and observing things that is happening around me and think just outside the box. 

Never mind, I am okay with my number of followers but I am sure hope, more will read.

I am not as good as Xia Xue which is my no. 1 favorite blogger, for her honesty in delivering her idea and opinion and very bold in her language. She is really good. She just writes without bother about what others will think of her about what she wrote. Thumb up for her. :)

My English also not that good too. So, I know where I am standing. I am at a learning stage. If I can be better and I want to be better, then it is God's will but otherwise it is my own weaknesses.

Everyone is in a process of learning for the whole of their life. Whether they realize it, or not.  The only thing that makes the difference is how we utilize the result of the learning process.

Failed people will recognize the factor for their failure and learn not to repeat it.

When they get back up on their feet to stand and start the walk another time, they already know not to go through that wrong path again.

That is what I call 'A Learning Process'

But in the process, we need support too. Support from people around us. I do not agree when someone says, I am doing this myself.  Every other person in our life plays their part in the process. What matter is sometimes, we are the ignorance ones. We refuse to see that there is someone that cares.

When a mother cooks and her children say that the cooking too salty, that is a support. Support for her to minimize her salt intake the next time she cooks. So her cooking is not that salty anymore, and her children will love it.

When a government officer is being told that he needs to be friendlier in his public service manner, it is a support. A support for him to be better in his way of service so that public will be satisfied with his employer and he himself will be enjoying his job because of that.

Always takes a critic as an important part of the learning process. Does not being berserk over them (criticism) because it will makes us look weak.

Turn a critic into a positive motivation. No one is perfect but only those with positive mind will be better. Trust me on this one.

For instant example, I blog but no one is reading it. If I stop because of it, then I let go of my passion, that is writing. And I will not learning to write better. But if I proceed and keep on writing regardless of the numbers of people reading it, I have a chance to improve my skills.  And I have sharpened my own mind for discussing and sharing my thinking.

I take it positively that people might not read this but I am enjoying what I am doing now. Viewing things differently and be positive about it.

I am grateful that I can write few paragraphs and share it.

I know most people love controversy and they like some bold things, maybe a bit rude but that is just not me. I can swear here to get any attention but for me, it is just not me. May be I can be angry sometimes and call things but that it is. I don't want in the future when my children check out my blog, they will read the impolite things that I said in here.

So, no worry. I can write and write and write and with 5 people following me and only few reading me, it is just perfectly fine. :)

Until next time.....keep it up Jess!!

 

KESELAMATAN MEREKA DAN TANGGUNGJAWAB KITA

Notis : Entry ini telah ditulis sebelum gadis yang dikatakan diculik di Kuantan tersebut ditemui dan mengaku yang dia bukan diculik sebaliknya dengan rela hati mengikut teman lelakinya tinggal di kediaman keluarga lelaki tersebut. Mungkin lain kali kita akan menulis tentang itu pulak.

Kebelakangan ini banyak betul berita tentang kehilangan dan kematian anak anak yang tidak berdaya. Setiap kali kita melihat perkara sebegini, terus kita teringatkan anak anak kita yang masih kecil dan mentah itu. Betapa remuknya hati ibubapa yang kehilangan anak anak mereka, tidak dapat kita bayangkan.

Tidak mungkin akan dapat difahami oleh orang lain melainkan mereka yang mengalami musibah tersebut.

Kita amat bersimpati dengan kematian Dirang yang mayatnya ditemui di dalam keadaan yang menyayat hati. Dalam pada itu, kita juga berasa lega sekurang kurangnya, bukan bapa kandungnya sendiri yang melakukannya, walaupun pada mulanya kita sendiri pun keliru dengan berita tangkapannya sebagai seorang suspek.

Sampai begitu sekalikah kekejaman di hati manusia. Di manakah kemungkinan batasnya kejahatan mahkluk yang dikurniakan akal fikiran ini. Kita memang tidak faham.  Tidak dapat dijangkau oleh akal fikiran kita mengapa harus seseorang menyakiti anak ini sebegitu sekali.

Beberapa hari kemudian, terbaca pulak berita seorang anak yang ditemui lemas di sebuah taman rekreasi. Kemudiannya, terpampang pulak berita mengenai seorang anak kecil yang ditemui mati lemas di dalam kolam  najis ketika sedang bermain basikal.

Dan semalam, berita tentang seorang remaja 14 tahun yang diculik kemudian di larikan ke Thailand untuk didagangkan sebagai pelacur. Mujurlah remaja tersebut dapat meloloskan diri dan sekarang telah selamat berada bersama keluarganya. Itu yang kita tahu melalui akhbar.

 

Dan awal pagi ini, semasa melayani laman facebook kita, teserempak pulak dengan sharing seorang teman tentang seorang lagi anak gadis belasan tahun yang dilarikan ketika di dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumahnya bersama 2 orang adiknya, sekembali dari membeli 'reload coupon'. Di tengah perjalanan pulang ke rumah!! Dipaksa masuk ke dalam sebuah kereta, di depan adik adiknya sendiri yang tidak berdaya untuk membantu.

Tiada lagikah tempat yang selamat untuk anak anak kita sekarang ini?  Sebimbang manakah seharusnya kita sebagai ibubapa?

Bagi kita, harus bimbang tahap maksima!

Hanya kebimbangan yang dapat membuatkan kita lebih prihatin dan berjaga jaga. Jangan sesekali ambil mudah keselamatan anak anak kita.  Jangan terlampau asyik dengan kegiatan sendiri sehinggakan anak anak kita dilupakan. Sesekali tanya diri sendiri, di manakah anak saya ketika ini, apakah yang sedang dia lakukan. Dengan ini mudah mudahan, kita menjadi lebih berusaha untuk mencuba, sekurangnya, mengambil tahu tentang kebajikan anak anak kita sendiri.

Jangan terlalu lega hati merasakan anak anak sudah tahu menjaga diri sendiri. Atas sebab sebab keselamatan ini jugalah, kita sehingga ke hari ini sentiasa melalui hari hari yang sukar, mengenangkan keadaan anak anak kita yang terpaksa kita tinggalkan dengan saudara mara untuk dijaga semasa kita bekerja. Terus terang kita katakan, kadang kala memang terasa yang kita sangat tidak rela dalam berjauhan dengan anak anak dan meletakkan mereka di bawah jagaan orang lain wlaupun hanya untuk 9 jam sehari.Tetapi semuanya dilakukan atas niat untuk memberikan kehidupan yang lebih baik untuk keluarga kita.

Samalah dengan keengganan suami kita untuk membenarkan anak kita menggunakan khidmat bas sekolah untuk pergi dan balik dari sekolah. Disebabkan bimbang dengan keselamatan anak, suami sanggup berulang alik, memandu sendiri di antara waktu kerja untuk menghantar dan mengambil anak balik dari sekolah kemudian menghantar ke rumah penjaga.

Biarlah kita menjadi phobia. Tidak apa, phobia itu paling baik dalam mengingatkan diri kita untuk sentiasa berjaga jaga.

Terlalu banyak perkara negatif di luar sana yang dapat memberikan impak yang tidak baik kepada anak anak zaman sekarang.

Bukan hendak mengata sesiapa tetapi di kawasan kejiranan kita sendiri, suri rumah suri rumah sepenuh masa yang sangat bertuah dapat menguruskan rumah dan anak anak sendiri tanpa perlu bersusah hati untuk meninggalkan anak dengan orang lain untuk mencari nafkah, sering kali lupa akan keberkatan mereka itu.

Sering kali kita melihat anak anak mereka bermain sendirian di luar kawasan rumah, yang mana jalannya cuma 3 meter lebar, dengan kenderaan yang kadang kala dipandu laju oleh segelintir manusia yang tidak bertimbang rasa.

Ngeri kita nak memikirkan akibatnya sekiranya anak anak ini dalam keasyikan bermain, lupa diri dan berlari ke tengah jalan di saat sebuah kereta lalu. Kalau itu yang berlaku, siapa yang harus kita persalahkan? Anak anak yang tidak mengerti apa apa ini ataupun pemandu?

Atau haruskah kita menyalahkan ibubapa yang kurang perhatiannya?

Sekiranya punya sesiapa untuk depersalahkan pun, dimanakah kebaikannya? Bukankah semuanya sudah terlambat?

Dan beringatlah, lebih elok sekiranya membawa anak anak beriadah di tempat yang sepatutnya, di taman permainan atau sukan daripada di kawasan di depan pagar rumah anda, di mana kadang kala, trafiknya boleh berubah menjadi sibuk sekelip mata.

Anak anak remaja juga, bukan bermaksud kita boleh lepas tangan. Kita bukan sesiapa pun untuk menegur, cuma berkongsi sekelumit pengetahuan untuk dikongsikan bersama agar dapat dijadikan panduan demi anak anak. Kita tidak perlu menjadi ibubapa yang 'cool' memberikan segala kemewahan yang anak anak kita inginkan untuk kepuasan mereka, cukuplah sekadar kita menjadi penjaga yang bertanggungjawab dalam menentukan keselamatan mereka diambil berat sepanjang masa.

Pernah sekali ketika kita sedang membawa anak anak membeli belah di bandar, kita terserempak dengan sebuah keluarga, ibu bapa dan 3 orang anak. Sedang hendak melintas jalan, si bapa meninggalkan ketiga tiga anaknya dengan si ibu yang melintas di belakang si bapa tadi. Tetapi dengan seorang anak kecil yang didukung , si ibu tadi tertinggal di belakang bersama 3 anaknya. Anak kecil yang kedua, dalam lingkungan 5 tahun pada pandangan kita, tiba tiba melepaskan tangan si ibu hendak mengejar si bapa yang telah terlebih dahulu melintas di hadapan. Kebetulan sebuah kereta lalu, namun nasib baik sempat berhenti sebelum melanggar budak tersebut dan membunyikan hon, barulah si bapa menoleh ke belakang, dengan jeritan si ibu yang tidak berdaya melihat kejadian tersebut.

Masa itu, kita sendiri terpaku dan menahan nafas. Paling kita tidak setuju, lepas tu, si bapa tadi marah marah pulak dengan si ibu.

Wajarkah...sebagai seorang lelaki yang sepatutnya bertanggungjawab dalam menjaga keluarga kita cuma memikirkan diri kita sendiri , membiarkan isteri dan anak anak kita ketinggalan di belakang tanpa ambil tahu kebajikan mereka? Selepas itu, berani pulak nak marah marah dengan si isteri yang telah bergelut untuk menguruskan anak anak seramai itu sendirian? Mahu juga kita nak terbalikkan keadaan sekiranya dapat, biar si suami tu pulak di tempat si isteri tadi.

Teringat pulak cerita suami kita, pernah masa menghadiri suatu taklimat yang disertai beliau atas arahan pejabat. Suami kita diminta pergi dengan seorang teman sepejabat untuk memenuhi jemputan. kalau tak silap, masa tu taklimat tersebut berkenaan "jantina & gender". Kira kira macam tu lah. Kita pun dah tak berapa ingat.

Semasa taklimat berlangsung, pemberi taklimat sempat melibatkan peserta sama dalam ucapan beliau. Beliau bertanya kepada peserta lelaki yang kebetulannya adalah teman sepejabat suami kita tadi.

Soalannya; "masa bercinta dulu, jalan pegang tangan isteri..sekarang lepas kahwin ada tak pegang tangan insteri?"

Dijawab lah si teman tadi "sekarang jalan pegang tangan anak.."

Mungkin kedengaran lucu dan tidak patut, sebabnya biasalah, si isteri memang suka kalau dimanja manja dari masa bercinta sampai dah beranak pinak pun masih mesra berpegangan tangan.

Tetapi bila dilihat dari sudut lain pulak, kita suka dengan jawapan tersebut. Tanggungjawab kita berubhg mengikut masa dan keadaan. Kalau berjalan berduaan dengan isteri memang patut pun tangan isteri yang dipegang tetapi kalau dengan anak yang 2 atau 3 orang, memang lebih patut kalau suami memegang tangan anak, demi menjaga keselamatan anak. Tiada salahnya di situ.

Dan dalam situasi begini, kita sebagai seorang tak akan kisah pun tak berpegangan tangan dengan suami. Naluri seorang ibu, anak anak yang paling utama.

Jadi, jangan sesekali mengambil mudah aspek keselamatan keluarga kita. Kecil, besar anak kita, selagi mereka masih di dalam jagaan kita, mereka adalah tanggungjawab kita, mereka bergantung harap kepada kita untuk menjaga mereka.

Bayangkan, pernahkah terfikir sebuah lubang najis yang selebar setengah meter dapat menyebabkan maut kepada sesiapa. Selalu kita berjalan jalan di jalan raya sana, banyak juga lubang kumbahan najis ni tetapi kita pasti, kebanyakan dari kita tidak terfikir bahayanya benda tersebut. Sekarang dah berlaku perkara macam ni, nak salahkan perbandaran pun tidak ada gunanya.

Jangan sesekali biarkan anak anak kita berkeliaran sendirian. Sekiranya nak bermain tanpa diawasi, eloklah di dalam kawasan pagar rumah.

Ajar anak anak seawal mereka dapat memahaminya, jauhi orang yang tidak dikenali. Jangan menerima apa apa pemberian dari orang yang tidak dikenali. Jangan biarkan anak anak menjawab ketukan pintu dan membukanya tanpa mengenal pasti siapa terlebih dahulu.

Zaman sekarang ni, anak anak memang dah terlebih canggih. Advance kata kawan kita.

Tetapi canggih canggihnya pun, tetap ada tidak baiknya. Kita selalu tidak bersetuju dengan ibubapa yang membenarkan anak anak memiliki telefon bimbit mereka sendiri selain dari untuk kegunaan kecemasan dan penggunaan internet juga.

Cukuplah TV di rumah merosakkan minda anak anak kita, ditambah pulak dengan handphone dan internet yang tiada batas sosialnya.

Kenapa selalu nampak wajah wajah gadis belasan tahun di muka akhbar di mana ibubapanya merayu untuk mereka pulang ke rumah kerana mereka telah melarikan diri dari rumah dan tidak diketahui khabar baritanya?

Melarikan diri dengan kekasih?

Bukankah elok sekiranya semuanya itu ditegah dari mula? Mengapa anak anak di bawah umur 18 tahun perlu berkepit dengan handphone? Apa perlunya mereka ada akaun facebook sendiri?

Mungkin ada yang tidak bersetuju dan mengatakan yang kita berhasrat untuk mengekang pergaulan anak anak, mengekang minda anak anak untuk berkembang. Tetapi persoalannya, kalau kita menjadikan internet dan TV dan juga handphone sebagai sumber untuk kita bersosial, di mana sihatnya perlakuan kita itu?

Mengapa perlu kita menghidangkan berita berita dunia yang tidak elok di skrin TV untuk anak anak kita melihatnya?

Untuk mereka melihat betapa teruknya keadaan dunia sekarang ini dengan permusuhan dan berbunuhan sesama sendiri? Dengan memaparkan drama drama yang menghidang kisah ketamakan kuasa dan kegilaan nafsu kepada anak anak kita?

Buku!!

Itu adalah sumber ilmu yang paling tua di dunia. Segala peradaban di dunia dipelajari dari buku.

Mengapa, sangat jarang melihat ibubapa membawa anak anak mereka pergi ke perpustakaan dan membaca bersama? Bukannya cuma meninggalkan anak anak di muka pintu perpustakaan yang mana adalah suatu tindakan yang tidak menjamin keselamatan anak anak.

Kita pun bukannya dapat mengamalkan semua yang baik baik sebagai ibubapa tetapi kita mencuba untuk tidak mengikut acuan yang tidak berapa baik. Selagi dapat beringat kita mengingatkan diri supaya merubah diri menjadi insan yang lebih baik agar menjadi teladan kepada anak anak.

Kita insan biasa, anak anak kita pun sama. Semua punya keinginan tetapi perlu jugak dikekang sedikit agar tidak melampaui yang sepatutnya. Mungkin sebab kita bukan orang berada, kita sentiasa menerapkan dengan anak anak supaya tidak meminta berlebihan.

Kita jugak beri kelonggaran untuk anak anak menonton TV di rumah dan sesekali bermain video game, tetapi sekurangnya, kita bersama anak anak melakukannya dan jangan melakukannya berlebihan. Tetapkan had.

Bak kata Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan "mendisiplinkan bukan menganiaya, memanjakan sehingga merosakkan barulah menganiaya.

Sekali sekala kita pun bawa anak anak ke perpustakaan walaupun mereka baru belajar mengenal suku kata. Cuma untuk memperkenalkan mereka dengan dunia ilmu. Selalu kita datang ke rumah orang orang yang dikategorikan sebagai orang berada, perabot dan hiasan cantik cantik dan mahal mahal belaka, tetapi buku? Tiada rak buku atau ruang membaca, apatah lagi bukunya.

Mungkin kedengaran melalut tetapi ini adalah kebenaran. Topik kita adalah keselamatan anak anak, yang sepatutnya bermula dari ibubapa, kemudian diterapkan dengan cara yang betul kepada anak anak.

Jangan mengambil mudah segala tanggungjawab sebagai ibubapa. sistem keselamatan yang paling baik dan berkesan adalah melalui pendidikan yang betul. Didik anak anak dengan contoh yang betul, terapkan nilai nilai yang dapat menjadikan semuanya manusia yang baik, mudah mudahan, tidak ada lagi hati hati kejam yang bermaharajalela.

Mungkin sekiranya kita lebih bersyukur dengan apa yang kita miliki, barulah kita lebih menghargai apa saja milik kita.

Sekali lagi, kita bukanlah ibubapa yang paling baik cuma coretan ini untuk kita berkongsi sedikit pengetahuan tentang perkara ini. Yang baik baik itu datang nya dari Tuhan yang kita percaya, segala yang silap adalah perbuatan kita.

Sehingga bertemu kembali, sayangi dan hargai mereka yang berada di sisi anda setiap hari. Anak anak yang ceria hasil dari ibubapa yang ceria.

Salam....

SHE IS A WOMAN

(Happy Women’s Day to all women..)

Her heart tender as rose petals

Her touch smooth as white snow

Her voice soft as silk veil

She is the gentle queen

Around those she loves

And she is the strong fighter

Around those she protect

She is the reflection of an angel

She is the bone that stands tall

She is the one that ones can count on

She is the one that ones can talk to

She shed tears for the ill-fated

She laughs for the pleasure of life

She holds hand for the needy

She feeds the famished ones

She cherished the sad soul

She is the one with the warm hug

She is the one with the prosper smile

She is the one with the graceful walk

She is the one…

No one is like her

For she is the one, and only

She is whom we called mother..

Mum..daughter…sister..wife..and friend

She is a WOMAN

LETS LOOK A LITTLE DEEPER

First, you must read the news.....

Borneo Post, 28/02/2012, Tuesday

"Of Skull And Sago Worms"

http://www.theborneopost.com/2012/02/28/apologise-for-insulting-the-ibans-writer-told/

Wow..when I bought the Borneo Post on 28 February 2012 during my breakfast, I right away sighted the article on the front page. It really did attract attention with the big column with big photo of Sibu well known lawyer, Mr Chambai. I thought..what happen now?

And after I finished read it, I also knew that the article will definitely sparks a lot of reactions. Especially from the subject, that is our people, Ibans.

No one know just how much I am proud to be born as pure Iban. Both my parent also purely Iban, no mixed blood, also our grandparent and great grandparent. Now, what make a purer Iban than that? But just how much I love to be one, sometimes, I also upset by my own people thinking. Well, not that they thinking bad only that for me, we should be more open minded in this kind of situation. I am not agree to any humiliation or insult throw at my people but at the same time, I want my people to look into this kind of matter at different angle of view. For me, think outside the box. Do not going berserk over something before we think through of the cause of why it happened.

 Iban beauty

I respect Mr Chambai for defending our people but let us think and look deeper…just a little bit deeper.

“WHY?”

I like Y question. It gives answer.

Let us ask ourselves why do other people always think negatively towards our lifestyle? For my own experience, we gave them the reason. We gave them something to see by their own eyes, something to experience. I do not think the writer of the article is a stupid person. He is a missionary. For me, he is just being honest in what he himself experience about our culture or lifestyle. Can we blame him if he came to the subject’s place or longhouse during festival and saw some of our people having the ‘tuak’ and got drunk and then of course most knew, when we said drunk, meaning some might acted immorally out of soberness.

Who do we want to hide it from? Our people did drink tuak and got drunk and when drunk, will create some not really nice scene. Fighting among themselves, hitting their wives..but then, people can’t say only The Ibans doing it. Am I right? Some people from other group of races also have the same social problem, abusing and hitting their wives. And to make it worse, they were doing it even when they were not drunk but when they were sober. Just to make themselves felt stronger or mightier than the victim. But of course there is no legit reason that allow any man to abuse his wife. NONE.

And most of the things that was written in the article, from my own experience, he might have seen it happened himself. May be I can try to straight up few things here.

 this is how modern Iban longhouse looked - Ulu Sebauh, Bintulu

Photo courtesy of wikipedia.

(i)                   About drinking ‘tuak’ – yes, our people do drink ‘tuak’, a kind of drink that was made from vermicelli rice and some sort of ‘ragi’, when consumed in huge amount will get us drunk. According to my grandmother (she likes to tell us story when we were very young) ‘tuak’ previously some time ago was taken only during festival times or if there was any worshipping ritual, tuak was taken in just little amount as part of the ritual or when we were having big ceremony like wedding or memorial services, giving ‘tuak’ to our guests meaning respect or welcoming them to our home. It is not supposed to be taken in huge amount and purposely got drunk by it. As for the immoral act that mentioned I have to disagree because, in our society, we have structure of leadership. We have ‘tuai rumah’ that act as leader to the people in one long house. And this ‘tuai rumah’ usually with his some AJK will ensure that his people to act properly and they have their own rules to control their people. My long house, the ‘tuai rumah’ is my own grandfather. He set the rules that in our longhouse, no one is allowed to gamble such as ‘nyabung’ or with cards, no one allowed to start any fight regardless of the reason, and anyone that was provoked and responded to it (the provocation) by way of fighting, also will be put on trial by the wise men and penalty will be imposed or they will involve the authority if the case is serious.  Spreading bad rumors’ about others also wrong, stealing is wrong, leaving their home too long without attending to its maintenance and cleanliness also wrong. They were among other rules that were set by a ‘tuai rumah’ to take care of his people harmonies.

And after so many years living in a long house community, I never seen any drunken man in my long house purposely or randomly, sexually attacked any other female resident or a guest. And never did happen in my place a woman willingly surrendered herself to any man other than her husband even after getting drunk. God forbid, our moral is not that low yet. So, if as what the article said that sexual activities might be high I am very sure it was only happened in individual bedroom, with individuals’ own wife. 

For what happening in a more modern society in urban area, I can’t say it is fair to include everyone in the same boat. Youngsters in big city, they are more sociable. We just can’t control their sexual desire or activities right? And again, if we talk about youngsters, sex and the city, it is not just our people, The Ibans right?

(ii)                 About the parent offered their own daughter to a man just to get the man to marry her…that was sooooo wrong! Let me share this, my parent marriage was arranged by their parents. In our earlier generations, marriage was arranged so that parents can get their own people (or long distance family) to be their son or daughter in law.

The reason is : they will know the history of the family’s social life and health.

My mother is a cousin to my father, because their parent likes the way each other bringing up their kids, they believe they will have a good new generations by match made my parent. For example, my mother’s father was a very talented man in doing ‘kampung’ jobs such as crafting and planting crops. And her mother was a very hardworking lady that bore 7 children so in our society; this is a sign that my mother, their daughter will become a good person as her parent due to the example set by her parent. And I think this really worked well. My parent now has been married for more than 30 years and we are very close as a family. I know all of my cousins.

And look and compare to this modern day, where the kids choose their own partner of life and how the divorce rate increase each year? Both parents do not know each other well, and at the end only they recognized the incompatibility. Well, I can raise my hand as one of the person that made the wrong choice and end up with one fail marriage. But I am a lucky person; I have a better second chance.

By the way, back to our topic, in our society, even if the parent sometimes ago can arranged their kids marriage, it is still required the said person’s approval. And maybe some people do confuse with ‘ngayap’ ritual and took that as offering their daughter to have sex with a man, let us check the real meaning of this culture. But before that, I would like to stress out that, this activity is considering illegal now. At my long house, you can be put to trial by exercising this, especially if the lady is not giving her consent.

Actually, during the times that ‘ngayap’ was exercisable, about fifty years (or more) ago, it was supposed to be a culture where a guy can court a girl and know her before he decided to take her as his wife. But not once in history did this ‘ngayap’ should end up in sexual activity. Like I always said, we made the culture become ‘dirty’ by acting ‘dirty’ in the name of the culture.

During ‘ngayap’ the couple was to talk and ask question about each other so that they can know each better or they were suitable to be each other’s life partner. It was allowable only when the lady was agreed to the meeting. At that time, open courtship considered not nice so, this was the only way that allowed them to meet and talk. But of course, some might has used it the wrong way and tempered the good purpose in it. Never ever did a parent will let their daughter to be an object of sex. This I guarantee. Most of the men married the girl and be responsible for her good care after their courtship and Iban’s men only allowed one legitimate wife at one time.

(iii)                About the things, leeched, I can say that it is just not a correct fact but we do eat fried ants and their eggs. I had tried that and I believe it was scientific proven that they contain good protein and the taste was also good what….:) But what is wrong with eating the thing that can be eaten? The sago worms for sure referring to ‘ulat matar’ or ‘tindoh’, a kind of white, fat, oily larva (some sort of) that live and breed in ‘sago’ log. Actually this ‘tindoh’ is a traditional food for Melanau people that is now kind of an international ‘banquet’ when everyone likes to try and have them. Even the tourists tried them and there is no harm in taking this ‘tindoh’ so far. But leeches, no no no…. never heard or seen any Iban ate leeches la sir..that is really disgusting.

 'tindoh' @ 'matar' or in Malays 'ulat sago'

(iv)                About we do not have any refrigerator..well can say it is correct there. In my long house, we do not have a refrigerator because we do not have an electricity power to operate the refrigerator but we should not be confused by the fact that most Ibans nowadays are living in urban area. This is due to their occupational need and living standard that have improved. Most of our people have purchased town house that suited their living needs such as a school for their children and their workplace. So, they won’t put a generator at their long house where there is no one living there. We only going back to our long house for Gawai festival and we do not need the refrigerator for we have so much sources of food at our hometown.

Please do not forget sir that Iban people are recognized for their talent and ability to grow vegetables, planting fruits, hunting for wild animal for food supply and breed chicken, pigs and other animal to support their living. We do have salted fishes or meat but that do not mean we are having them as our daily meals. And so that not to give the wrong facts, ‘kasam’ the preserved salted food that was referred to in the article (I am sure of it) is considered a luxury food and only taken occasionally because only few people know how to prepare them now. It is totally not true that we pictured so poor and desperate for saving our food but we are not allow to wasting any either.

Do not forget too, if our leader or the government did not missed out our place in their map to supply with electricity and clean water, we sure won’t migrated to big city and will definitely have at least one refrigerator in our house back home. Now when other pictured us as poor and not developed, this group of people (the so called leader) do not like it very much pulak…of course everyone have their own agenda in defending the Ibans now.

But let us take all this as a lesson. A lesson that can make us more motivated in improving ourselves and our lifestyle. Be more cautious in our living choice of style. Sometimes denying the half fact also not good for our ‘society health’. I do not denying that many of our people leading a not healthy lifestyle but I deny it if people make it sound like only our people the Ibans that having that problem. All of our society, be it Iban, or Malays, or Bodayuhs, or Indias or Chinese, have the same problem. I am pretty sure of it. But the way we handled it, that makes a different. When we knew we really have the problem but we only getting mad when others talked about it, it is not getting us anywhere. Handling it by facing the problem and try to solve it, that will make the better of it. So, let just not being mad over the article but let us take it as a wakening call. Try to change now so that in future our children will not have any one say the wrong thing about us, their elder generation. We cannot blame it if our ancestors came poor in history because for me, in history, no one can be judged as poor or rich because we have different life structure and cultures. We, Iban considered rich if we have many great great grand children, we will feel proud if our young generations success in their life. That makes us rich. Not the monetary value. We are considered rich when our children completed their degree. We are rich when all of our relatives coming during our death ceremonial.

Maybe next time, other people can write about us but please do not forget the good side of us. Do not leave the good spirit of Iban. It will be fair that way because if we only picture the bad side, other people that read it will have the wrong impression. We are not that bad. We have good Samaritan spirit.

In our padi field, we do it together with our relatives and hometown friends. We do not have to pay their wages to work in our padi field but in return, we are to give them hands in theirs too. Whenever people or guests come to our home, we are to feed them with whatever we have. We never chased people out from our home because that is rude and Iban people never treat others rudely. Whenever our in laws family coming, we are to get ready our guest room for them, get ready the place for them to spend the night.

As children, we are to take our parent into our home whenever we are able to support them and we teach our children to treat them with respect. Sending our old folks to old folks home consider discourteous act of a child. So Iban parent less likely to die alone.

So from now on, do not give the outsider to have any reason to think negatively towards us. We do not have to scold people or act roughly towards theirs comment but just help ourselves by getting more positive in our life and act more sensible. Practice a good life style so people will respect us more. Read and say more good things.

Until next time, please always deeper inside ourselves because there is a lot in there to be find and thank you if you read this till the end.