Mindset (Part I)

Here I am again, speak out loud through my keyboard..used to say it through my pen..;) Now, I've been thinking of this quite a long time already. I used to debating on this issue whenever I can, with whoever that is willing to share their opinion with me. Well, needless to say, of course there are some pro and contra in everything..never expect everything to be wholly totally right at your side of view only.

What I'm going to talk about might be sensitive to some..but really, my intention is nothing but to put some highlight to this issue that is why, for me the biggest reason why our people is still leave far behind comparing to others.

I am an Iban and am proud to be one. but when I said that Iban's songs need to be more creative, need to be more advance or modern, people said, I am embarass to claim myself as an Iban..that is totally not true. I said, I don't really like Iban's songs because they are not yet come to my standard of hearing..true bah..most of the songs just crap..

I really can't memorize any song properly but too bad, that is because I really don't like it. Normally I will hear about fighting amongst girls to get the guys, how a mother in law really mean to her daughter in law, how a man really want to be young and even if he is old already, still claiming himself a hot guy...eeeiiii..how can I like something sounds like that?

Each time I hear their song, it will about a woman, crying in her song, leaving and cheating by her man.

Okay, maybe if I said the lyrics is terrible, check out the image in their clip. How hard is it or how expensive is it to put on some efforts in the background, may be edit a bit, put on some small effects in it, instead of showing the whole ugly pictures of our place..people will say..wah..they are so modern now la..they are so pandai already, can used the computer effects in their video clip..but the only thing that came out in my mind when I watched their clip is...OMG..the long house looks so terrible, why can't they have a nice long house, a painted ones, the wall can't be more critical than that kah..we have a lots lots of nice and new long houses, with complete facility, with modern look, almost like a terrace house, clean and beautiful.

Why do we want people to say that? Why do we want people to know how far behind are we? Why do we want people to know how poor we are? I am not embarass being an Iban..I am embarassed because we can't think of a simple way to show the world that we are not that bad!! And I am embarassed when i walked on the street and some local Iban guy pheewiiit me eventhough they can see that I am with kids in tow..Helloo..they are our guy..they should protect their girls..same ethnic group but they just make us feel so unsafe.

Know what else that I am embarassed about? I am embarassed when those mothers in Sibujaya, a wife, while their husband is working in the rural area, in the logpond or having seasick in Russia working their ass out as rigger, sending home 3-5k a month to support their family but instead their wife huhuhaha filling their head full with alcohol...my..my..you can't imagine it? but I am not imagining it, I saw it with my own eyes..I am not trying to judging anyone here but really this make me sick. Can you see those poor children left to be independent while their mother spending money on those stupid liquor? So, when the husband come back, they have no saving, they kids will not interested in joining the school anymore. Their teenage daughters is married away or eloped with a guy that they sometimes don't even know where he was came from. What a life?? I will tell you more..not because I want you to know how naive our life is but because I really want to open up some eyes out there..(not that many reading this thou..)

okay..still with the wife alcohol addiction...huhuhaha ..again, bought big car, but just drove it around Sibujaya there each day..spend 1500 just to pay for the instalment..went to their favourite spot, Adong Belalai karaoke..spend another 2-3 hundreds there just in one night..your kids?? no idea of their whereabout...got drunk..then the worst part, fought among each other..this applied to both gender thou. so, this wife, if anything happened to their husband, they instantly drop poor...lots enjoying and showing off, no saving....don't even try it..seriously..

From what I've seen, alcohol is the main reason why we are stucked behind others..Gawai festival, drunk themselves to death...fight for whatsoever reasons...then our kids is watching us making fool of ourselves and in the next generation, they inherit our behaviour...still think I am wrong?

What about this? Some parent, after their kids finished their SPM, immediately commanded (really commanded I tell you..) them to discontinuing study but look for a job..any job, as long as this young immature kids can support them..so they (the parent) can retire at the age 45 and asking their children to send money to them every month..but for SPM, the pay is only about 1000 RM a month..no skills, fresh from school, working as a government servants, okay..give them extra RM1300 monthly...then he will find a wife, having his own kids..still he need to support his old men with that much income. If this poor kids failed in sending them cash..he is bad...realllyyy baadd...Think I am mean??

Now, in a community meeting, a head of the long house..a tuai rumah we call them. the YB will coming next month to our village..so prepare a list what we can ask from them..hmm..guess what? A plastic carpet (tikai in Iban)..maybe a bag or two of concrete to upgrade the front pathway...a generator (after 50 yrs malaysia merdeka we still have no electricity power lel..)..maybe a set of kitchen appliances so when we have any function there is something we can use to cook ...come on la...what about we try this??

(i) Solar system to provide for the electricity power?

-generator, you will need to supply for the diesel and maintenance..

(ii) a school near to your village

- so your kids won't have to travel by bus to another town and staying in boarding school and experience the miserable educational process

(iii) fresh water (if they say hard..ask them to supply for the dipenser lol..)

- so you don't have to drink from those big tank..rain water

(iv) a tractor

_ government keep on encouraging us to have a commercial padi planting...if they know how does it felt to farm by their bare hand, they won't say no..I know how it felt..I've experienced it..

okay..I think is enough that 4..you ask for more, still no guarantee you will get it though..

Some so called community or persatuan or a body whatever you want to call it, not much also we can see from them. women's body (rather not say it in real name)?? the leaders and committees members are those PD's wife, council's wife, pemancha's wife (don't know how to say it English..)..then whenever there is a function...they will invited our Iban singer..*rolled eyes** paid them 2-3k for the day show...again..come on la...why don't they invited those educated women/ladies? someone that is known for her service to the people? if not internationally, maybe just in the district is enough..instead of paying those singer, why not they invite a motivator to share and give motivation..so they can have a more brilliant brain after that?? that 2-3k, why not they used the money and generate it for the purposes of charity? well. ..I'd talk much ..I'd figured too, no one will read this that can really bring any chance thou...

last..for I'm quite tired already...this can be a very long entry but just rest at here for this time. Lets talk about our leader.. LEADERs that has been chosen by people..Iban people..where are they? hellooo...they are rich? not so...they are clever?..not so too..what happen to them? who do they serve actually? the people or the butt of some "flesh eating" group of people that also eat us alive and none of our leaders do anything about it? our land?? our log?? baby logs but also robbed from us and nothing we can do about it because we are so fascinating by the few hundreds the contractor gave us? **rolled eyes again**

okay...need to stop by now..but I will continue on this..just wait..;)

The Night Of Love...

The Night Of Love...that's what I called it..03/07/2010. last Saturday we joint the celebration of 13th years of marriage of Mr. Ramli Malaka and his wife, Mdm Cindy which is a long time best friend of mine. Just let me introduce you a little bit on their background; Mr Ramli is DEEP Construction Sdn Bhd's Project Director as well as the major shareholders in the company that is involve in oil & gas construction and others construction as well. Mdm Cindy meanwhile is the Finance & Project Secretary of the company and me...hehehe..I am just ordinary employee to them but Mdm Cindy like to introduce me as their assistant..(a compliment to me lol..)

Even after few days passes by, I always like to remember the night as a very special night. Apart from the fact that we were so happy with all the guests supports, I was so glad that at least we can handle the function quite well...thanks to the team, our MC, Mr Edwin, our entertainer for the night, the talented Mr. Francis, Everly Hotel Sales & Marketing Dept., Mdm Helen Jua for her helping hand (I was almost hectic at the entrance door until she came to the rescue), and others family members and our friends...muahh..love them all..

But I would like to give special thanx to my husband for his support..he even help me at the front desk with all the presents..*v* and almost the whole event I left him sitting there alone (with other guests of course) while I was running here and there trying to make sure that everything going smoothly as planned...

hubby, Mr Ramli, Mdm Cindy and me..(hehehe..chubby me..) the mini dress is last minute picked..the dress that I supposed to wear can't fit anymore..huhuhu..

Mdm Cindy and me found each others after almost 15 yrs through facebook and she quickly offered me to work with DCSB and here I am .... trying my very best to keep everything going beautifully for my friend..;)

13 years is a very long time...I still remember when Cindy said, " what a years to go through..." she wasn't kidding there thou..even for myself, 5 years of marriage is something that I always being proud of..

Back to the grant event, the food enormous and the guests were just fabulous..no need for me to mentioned the celebrated couple la..they were so handsome in their pairing suit and dress..and what attracted us most is the chemistry between them..

with friends and collegues (our table was specially for 'commitees' as Cik Wan Marlina the sales and marketing executive from Everly said..)

the happy family photo..13 years..blessed with 3 princes. the boys also very supporting during the event

the couple is preparing for toasting..funny, our MC managed to lead us with the 'yam senngggg' ritual..;)





our very own VVIP, DEEP Construction Managing Director, Mr. Moslem Khorram, Mr Hossein Dehkhodaei & his beautiful wife (Mr Hossein look so glamour in his suit..hehehe..;)

Mr. & Mrs Ramli with 'couple of the night' winner, Mr. & Mrs. Awang Bolhassan (General Manager of Bintulu Golf Club)

this couple get their award for being the most supporting couple of the night. they participated in every dances, Mr Awang even sang a beautiful love song, 'Wonderful Tonight'. Wonder how many of men out there that still can proudly hugging their wife after 20 years of marriage and dance with her through the night..with love in the air..;) they looked soo cute together and soo..romantic..thanks to them..;)

this is my favourite photo of all...hehehe..right angle..with Cikgu Daud, our former teacher from SMK Jalan Oya

after more than 15 years, we met again at the entrance...not much different from what I always remember him as a sporting man. thanks to him, I didn't have to introduce myself to him. may be a little kgs extra but the look, not much different lol..;)

my favourite moment..poco-poco..

honestly, I never learnt poco poco dance until that night..it's looked so fun so I just kind of hop in and trying to follow the step..i managed to mastered it in 1 song but when I started to be good at it, the song finished la pulak..hehehe.. too bad, we were ran a bit late than the original schedule, audience started to heat on the floor at the end of the event but we need to end it after 11.30pm..but we are looking forward to have this beautiful guests to joint us in any of our future gathering..they are just amazing..

when we fixed the theme of the night as Black & Red, everyone came with the correct theme (but some might really against Black & Red thou..but still they are nice..), they stop to have their photo taken at the Red Carpet..just extraordinary crowd..love them..;)

really enjoy the night, meeting a lot of new aquintances, most of the guests are close friends and some are VIP in our business circle. even the VIP, (which some I just known as real milionaire) very humble in their outlook and attitude. they are the 'big bosses' and mogul in their business but still they spare their time to joint and support their friend, Mr & Mrs Ramli Malaka.

I can't thank enough everyone that has involved in making this event as success as it has been...but I really admire the professionalism, the commitment and the hardwork to make things work as it supposed to work..they are the example of the success oriented people, motivated by their own positive thinking. I really hope that in the future we still can work together as a team...thanx and love to you all..muah..muah..;)

to Mr Ramli and Mdm Cindy, always remember this moment when the hard times come..and congratulation on your 13th Wedding Anniversary..May God be with you and family...

a man for a lady....

i just read a post written by my favourite blogger Xia Xue..she talked about Singaporean men and described some as 'disturbingly crude, uncivilised, pervetic, horny, bitter bla..bla..bla..and i managed to read only half of it and i really understand what did she mean by all her writing. well, as a woman my self i also furiated by what she exposed in her blog.

bur lets not elaborate more on it..i just want to talk about what kind of men does a woman want for their partner.

honestly, not much a woman can find in a man but we, women just very tolerate mankind..we used to feel blessed with so little so we do not ask for more that what given to us.

From what i really could see, a woman doesn't really care about their partner look, that is why honey, we often see a girl ...beautiful girl with a not very good looking guy. some girls like the dangerous type of men..meaning the man might be look harsh or sometimes ruthless..pardon my selection of words but its true..

once i have a girlfriend that is having an affair with a married man. this so called boyfriend have a wife (of course..he is married ma..) and 3 kids in row...but this friends of mine managed to stay with this guy for more than 3 years (mind you...) without the knowledged of the wife. she (my friend) for me, considered to be a nice looking girl and come from a good family background but when i asked her why she choosed to be with the guy, her answer is.."don't know..i just feel very attracted to him, in a way, i like the danger and risks to be with him..it makes us felt bonded.."

that was i think 7-8 years back..now i am not sure if they are still together..i hope the best for her..

hmmm..young girls like being with married man...why is that? well i can guarantee you this one my friends...girls like matured men. yessss...they did..this type of man know what girls really want, how they want to be treated, what words they want to hear, what gifts they like...

in our country, when the man is aged 20-30 they considered young and immature..if you are not lucky enough, at the age of 25 and your boyfriend is 26, you still look at him as your younger brother..but mentally, girls are far more advance in thinking. this century of girls or women, they just do not want to taking care of their man anymore but they in reverse want to be taking care of. well..you cant expect your 'young brother' to taking care of you right? but really, some guys are just extraordinary..even if they are young and immature, they willing to learn and sometimes, the relationship does help a lot..teaching the value of life and they can accept the responsibilities of becoming a place to lean on for their partner. but some...this is the main group, sorry to say never see things beyond their girls butt..(ooppss..anybody hurts?)

never surprise me...when the couple hang out together for more than 5 years where the girl getting older and worrying about her ticking ovulation clock, some guys just still playfull as they use to be and "no..not yet..still not ready for the commitment.." well, hon...if you are not ready, then just let off the girl and let the ready guy have her..fair isn't it? why you want her to wait for your gen to get old?

enough about married and matured men...this type of men in reversal very..very..annoying to most of the ladies ..(maybe the compatible one won't have any problem with this type thou..) the loudspoken type..

huhuhaha..telling others their greatness, they 'hight pitch' profile with girls is very 'saleable' in their opinion..but sorry guys..we are closed for this kind of human being not to say a man for us to rely on...:(

i'd once heard a man, in his stupor, stupid act bla..bla..talking big about his talent with girls, telling everyone how girls really attracted to him, how he can easily get a girl, anytime, anywhere he wanted it..but dear..untill now, you are solo bah...maybe you can get girls easily but a wife nope..excuse me..no wife will tolerate the big mouth (i think..hehehe)

about an hour with his loud voice, his saliva drooling his mouth, telling us he made tenth thousand of money and business...wow..but still, he is the guy that i used to saw sitting at the coffee shop, alone every morning untill noon, driving his old cabuk car and living in a rented house..more talk man..this..really to avoid this kind of people.

stingy guys...hmm..this is the type that we can easily recognise...watch out girls..he might split your drinks and cinema tickets between you guys..but for some, its ok..;) he will not call you but he will misscall you then you need to call him back..funny ha..but do not confuse of these 2, stingy and money saving type. the later may be can do some good to you but just draw the limit for your own benefit. if he save all his money but expensed all on yours..say bye ..

branded guys...well, got some hint on this? this type will very nice to look at, very stylish and macho but carefull...check his job and the level of the income. from my own experience, this kind of guy, dress handsomely, Levi's jeans, Polo shirt but when he asked you out, he borrowed from his friends...but it does make a different if his job get his 5-10K a month..below that, plus the classy car, and the credit card, he might not afford to support himself..let alone a wife..get as far as you can from this type..

lazy and not hygiene type..err..you might want to stay away from this guy...lazy + dirty..errkss..nothing worst lel..noticed him wearing the same shirt 2 or 3 days in arow and the smell is a bit disturbing and the bad breath??? run for help...

casanova..what can i say...beware of sweet talking guy, know very well how to place the bait, say all the right things, all the times, too good to be true..hmm..holding your hand in front of your family members and friends, smokey eyes and he can get away everytime he did something wrong..stop it there, you can't and never will able to handle him..trust me...

normally if you hang out with this type of guy, you can sense something is a bit fishy about his attitude but, you always brushed it aside for he is so good at his act, some not very strong women felt in the trap..

i think that will make it for some of the negative side..but lets share the about the good guy type, the type that we easily fit in with, the type that won't give you any headache and the one that you can trust to bear a child for him.

only one i like very mush of this 'strong relation couple' (i like to call it that way..) they have get through a lot in their life, they have stumble and get up from the bad time together,they have seen each other in their lowest point of life...in short form, they knew each other very well, they close because they suffer together not because they partying and drunk together.

as a woman..the key to this kind of relationship is, a man that is simple in his life, a moderate and humble man, know what he should brag about and when he should lend his shoulder..he will never complaining of your weaknesses and disdvantage but he will support you when you felt you are the unluckiest person on earth. this man will look at you and be proud having you in his life, this man will defend you when others sees the only bad thing about you. this man is your true friend, the only one you can rely on during your bad time.

you will feel at ease everytime you are with him, you do not feel like you need to pretend and hide anything from him..you can voice out your opinion to him and he won't take that you are thinking of underestimate him..the one that willing to learn together the value of relationship ...the one that when you think of him, whenever he is away, you heart beating like hell..the one that make you feel appreciated..

maybe some will say i am ridiculous but i think i've found mine...just don't take everything i'd shared here as whole world opinion..sometime the glass to others might be a diamond to you...

to all of ladies out there..there must be someone for you..never rush anything but just go with the flow and everything will fall into it place. until mynext writing..good to share with you, thank you for your support and LOVE each other like there is no tommorro...;)

Salam...

Eliminate UPSR & PMR?

25/06/2010
Friday
2.14pm

hot news for this couple of days..our administrator plan to eliminate these 2 public examination, for what reason, still unclear to us. hmmm...as usual, there is pro and contra of it.

actually i want to wait for response from facebook members but seems not many interested in sharing and talking serious issue like this, i better share here whatever i have. thanks to some, for their strong opinion.

waiting for those so called intelligent people that used to heat up the wall there but none...a little bit dissapointed by this, i still want to speak up my opinion...hahaha..tidak pandai tutup mulut punya orang la..

what to do ley...my mind always full and i hate to see things goes by without sharing it with friends.

first, lets talk about the pro...

(i) maybe those student (our children will be one of them) will eased with the burden, no more pressure for them to attend extra class or tuition in the evening. less tiring for them.

(ii) parents also can relax a little bit, stop pressuring their kids to drained their brain out of their head

(iii) our administrator may be can reduce the cost and make use of the extra cost available for other purposes (mind u, the preparation of all those exam and implemantation does acquire quite a fund)

had i made a few of it? huhuhu..not enough but can't really squeze my mind right now..

lets check the contra..(i got quite a number for this morning only). to tell u the truth i was the only person in the whole day had nodded yes to this issue...hehehe....

(i) as many mentioned earlier in my fb, the quality or standard of our education is becoming lower by the idea only

(ii) some even said, maybe in the future, for there is no valuation, our students will have zero standard and everyone can be graduate easily but please don't forget, SPM is the platform to get a place in our college, not UPSR or PMR

(iii) no competitiveness among students, no target and motivation for them to perform..well i really aware of this because most of our people (through history) always need to be pushed, only then they can move forward

i thinks enough of it....but really most of people do not agree with the idea. i hope no children future will be at stake because some of our politician just want to make a name for themselves..just the same when they withdrawn the using of English in teaching Maths & Science..until now most parent that i'd heard talking about it, felt disappointed by it.

if we are so scared of challenge, of hardwork and new things, how are we going to be a developed country? if our children at the age of 15 still struggling to finish a sentence when asked to read, how are going to compete with the outside world?

we are so scared of trying new things yet we eliminates and destroyed all the old good things..i.e the SRP..well i was the 3rd batch to have the PMR, if i'm not mistaken, but many people said that SRP is more relevant and created more quality student because of the strict regulation..u failed the mandatory subject, u r not qualify to continue until u repeat the class and pass it.

even now, for SPM, the requirement to continue to lower 6 is less competitive..most the student can easily go through and proceed to lower 6 after the SPM. then when they are qualified to study in our public university or college, they were taught in BM, BUT for most of the student themselves experienced, most of the references is in English. maybe when they were out, ok when they joint the government sector for 90% of the works was done in BM BUT again, if u ready to challenge the private sector, there will the problem arise.

enough with that..i am out of the scope already..but really..why do we want to stop our own new generation to be competitive to the outside world? why do we need to overprotecting them? the more we make it easier, the harder it will be for them (our students and younger generation).

but of course, i always curious with the objectives and reasons behind all this. we, the common people will get the impact. the politicians, no wori for them..YB..banyak duit, abis form 5, antar anak pergi kolej swasta, belajar dlm English...hantar anak ke luar negara, semua lebih standard, semua dlm English but our children has no choice but to struggle with the lousy system.

ok..let me share one of the way ( i got this idea from a businessman). if your kids really excell in his/her study, and he/she is interested in continuing to further study, after they finish @ complete their SPM, if they are qualify, get them to study for A level. takes about a year to finish and many private college offer that nowadays. then after the A level, they can directly continue to Degree programme (not sure bout the public university) in any College inside or outside our country..so we can save 2 years for the Diploma programme which can take up to 6-7 years to complete until the Degree course. that is why, our children will only be able to support themselves at the age of 26-27, the earliest. for medic student, you will have to add up to another 2-5 yrs for practical..might be not very correct but i will do some research on this.

feel worry for our kids future, as a mother myself..i hope that instead of lessen the standar, our administrator should set the standard higher so our youngster will be more motivated and competitive. don't teach them to be afraid of difficulty but teach them to overcome it..

::thinking ..thinking and..thinking......::

some of my friends used to tell me that I am a thinker...hmm..at first i thought..what doea a thinker mean?

then i tried to ask someone the question..what is a thinker?

the answer:::: someone who like to think deeply and farer than other is a thinker..normally this kind of person will give themselves a headache..or migrain..just to think of something that some might just took as a rubbish...

well then i sat by myself and thought....wow..did i do that? i mean..really? but did i accomplish anything by doing that too? hmmm....

but one thing i'm very sure about is...from when i was just a kid i always asking myself "why..why and why" silently everytime i saw anything happened...not asking in despair, pardon me..but i always interested in knowing why did something happened that way or why that we have to do that..but of course due to my traditional upringing by my own mother, i shut my mouth (because as kids, we are not allowed to asked too much questions.

then now, when i am a mother, i never stop my children in asking anything...tiring but i like to answer them, explaining things appropriately for their level is a challenge to me..and i love to say.."pandai anak mami" or "clever girl".

my brain like i'd once told a friend of mine, only rest when i was asleep...may be because of that, i prefer books and thriller is my top choice..i love mystery. still remember when i was at primary school, i read all the time..and i think i'd read most of the children mystery fiction at that time. I like most..Nancy Drew mystery..and there was a series of boys mystery too, that i forgot their name.

when i was a little older, my favorite is Sherlock Holmes and Sidney Sheldon...really loves their writing..make my head spinning..hahaha..so happy lol..

the same goes with movies..i always loves thriller but not too extreme..prefer some kind of things that can make me wonder what will happen next...

::holiday season::

thursday
03/06/2010
4pm

holiday..holiday....

"gawai festival"

when i was a little kid, this is the moment that i'd been waiting for..a time to reunite with all those long distance cousins..

we swam in the river...we played in the sand...running all over the "ruai". watching 'inik' making "penyaram"....all those memories flooded back in this holiday season. i used to be a very happy go lucky and bright kid..easy to be friend with anyone (that is why until now i can get along with most of my female cousins both my fathers' and mothers' side).

now it is time for our kids..but sadly, some of the parents never understand the meaning of having their own 'kampung' or village. when i was at school, i was so proud when i shared with friends...i have 'kampung' but some of my friends don't (because parents are too proud to be kampung people).

even when i was working in KL during my teenage time, people never believe if i said that i can very well did all the farming work...'bumai' what we called it. i know how to do the harvest process, the planting process..even i know how did the rubber first look like before we see them in the shop as a rubber shoes or slipers..until now, i always proud of my origin.

for me...acting cool and scared of the mosquitos, the heat, hate the long boat ride..the lack of the utilities..we are just denying our origin. complaining of the hard life in the hometown..instead for me..better if they do something about that, than running away and pretending they are town people..come on la..never sounds cool to me..if u refused to celebrate the biggest celebration for our people with your old parent at your own origin, you are teaching your kids the same behaviour in the future.

but this time, it did upset me a bit...my family can't make it, going back to my 'kampung'.

for me, this celebration is not about having lots lots of alcoholic drinks, acting wild and stupid but most important, this is the time to spend with family, a time to reunite after being away from each other for the whole year. a time to appreciate our ancestry...a time to be proud of our culture..a very rich culture.

no matter how 'tall' you are now, always remember that, we are Iban..a Dayak..a proud and strong dayak that paved all this native land more than hundreds years before. i am so proud of it..but many that i know, is ashamed of they own origin too...well, too bad for them and a waste to have a member of our community that acting that way too..

last few days, i did manage to have dinner with some relatives, one is a very respectable man in our family because of his modesty and knowledge...and how i am very grateful that we were born from a very strong 'root'....this man told us..bact at 60's in Dalat area (my origin) a pair of slippers is a wealth to the kids. no scholl uniform for the students...even having a long pants is a pride to those kids at that time. tthey have to paddle or 'berkayuh' to get to school.

my own grandfather..had to sold most of his belonging just to get all of his children an education. just imagine that...how our kids by this day..and we ourselves as parent become ignorant to the fact that it was never easy to be at where we are today..that was our ancestors hardwork..so never ever ashamed and act like we are the king just because we have a terrace house at the town..because if our ancestors think the way we are now, we might not be as lucky and and as blessed as we are for today...

my new home..BINTULU

10/05/2010 Monday 12.22 noon

today is my 4th monday in bintulu..a still alien city to me. but i admit it, i'd felt in love with this place..the energy captivated me. the speed really are up to my level. since i started my job here, in an oil & gas construction company, i kind of opened up my eyes to many things that 've never really care or bothered to looked at before.

first, i really can see a lot of chances in career here. in business also..but its all still up to the individual.

a chance + determination + efforts = success.

in political view, i did notice some of intelligent group of people that is quite loud in their view. and honestly, that is what i like most.

intelligent people + belief + strong voice (non nonsense fact)

i am considering myself as lucky..i accepted this golden opportunity by sacrifying a little part of my family way of life, we (me & the kids) have to separate with my husband (working in Sibu division) but we agreed on 1 thing for these :

"its never an easy journey to get to the top."

so we compromised and here we are, me & the kids apart from my husband..of course we miss him all the time but the top priority now is the kids' future. we are very well aware, we are doing these for the sake of the children. and may God bless us for our intention.

first time, i need to rely on my own driving skills (for all this time i fully depended on my husband in driving) and i did some minor damage for the 1st 2 days i drove on my own..still, i am greatful for not hurting anyone (other than my own car).

the major issue now is to settle down at our own place. i reall don't like the fact that we are troubling my relative by staying temporarily with them. they are undeniable nice and generous but my nature never allowed me to become fully depended on others. only that to get a place to rent is very tough at this time.. with budget of RM500 monthly rental for a house i'm still not a lucky one in this.

but friends do help a lot by their suggestions. only that i really want to be careful on this and a lot of things to take into consideration into this matter. but i really hope that i will get something cozy and simple for us.

seeing the girls crying every morning i went out to work really killing me inside but i know very well that i need to be very strong or we might not going to make this out. but it just a wonderful sight to see their faces in the evening and when we play together before their bed time, i really felt blessed. they are my heritage..to nurture and taking care of..

in the other hand, my heart went out to my beloved hubby...for how many years, he had been pampered and everything was prepared for him, now he has to taking care of his own meal. not to mention the loneliness..but dear hubby, we are doint this together...and i truly believe in you and in us..that we can make it.

we do need to sacrifice more this time..unfortunately for us, the transportation cost for him to back and forward from bintulu-sibu is increased by this month. so again, there is another thing to take into calculation. but i still put my hope into his application to transfer here so that we will be a unit again.

life is hard before and so far we still can go through all this..and the keyword is "togetherness".

thanx to my current employment, for giving me this chance and believe in me. i am not going to make any excuses but just to focus and giving my effort to prove to myself that i am not a 'no' person.

may God bless our family in this journey and provide us with courage and strength for us to go further. for our kids, bless them for their health and i really am thankful for everything that is given to me.