ANOTHER SALT ADDING TO THE LIFE

What a day….I had breakfast with a colleague early this morning and when I came back to the office and sign in to my FB account, I saw a message from my dear hubby. He started by saying, “I have a bad news…” and ended it with “are you angry with me?” He is not kidding when he said that it was a bad news. As planned, he is to coming home to us by today as usual and spending the 2 limited days of weekend with his family, his wife and kids after a whole week being afar from each other.

As in normal days and usually, I am not easy to get angry over things but this times, after some horrible things that has happened in this couple of weeks, it really got into my nerves. I just can’t help myself but to get it out from my chest..my hurting chest.

When I accepted the offer to work here (Bintulu), the decision was made for the sake of the family’s future and most importantly, for the children’s future. We were positively sure that we will have to make some sacrifice, the most obvious one is we will be separated by more than 100 miles from each other. We (my hubby and me) were pretty scared by the picture (I knew he was scared even he didn’t say it) of me and the kids living alone here, without any friends and family to turn to in case we are in need. The town so new and foreign to us and the girls are just so little and innocent.

Well, my hubby said that he has to be on traveling by this evening to rural area in Kanowit district, named Ulu Poi because our beloved YB is coming to that area to registering everyone from that area to enable them to vote in the coming election (and of course they are killing 2 birds with a stone) and apparently that involving the department at where hubby is working and he has to go too. And that area is about 5-6 hours from Kanowit town, once they are there, you can't get in touch with them because there is no phone signal there (and you pray every day so there will be nothing happen to your husband and there is no way for people to inform you) and they are only to comeback the day after tomorrow, that is Sunday. So, can he say NO? That is not an option obviously..

And how do I reacted to that?

I was very upset of course and after everything we’ve been through from the previous months and last couple of week, I just can’t hold it anymore and I complaint on my FB wall. I was so angry by the prospect that, that 2 days weekend that we waited for the whole week so the girls can see their father..so, I can at last talk to someone about what we’ve gone through the whole week and of course, we miss him the whole time from Monday until Friday…and the plan suddenly all gone…

Last couple of weeks, I cried myself almost every night because the girls were sick and I was helplessly almost can’t cope with everything, the work and 2 sick kids at home. I had to asked permission from my employer to came back home after 2-3 hours of working hours for worrying to death of their situation. And at the same time, I was having that weird lump underneath my armpit and I almost lost my sanity thinking that I can’t get sick or having any illnesses because my children are desperately depending on me. I had to bear the pain to myself and being strong for the children. It was terrible and I do not at any point, suggesting that experience to anyone..not that anyone want that thou. I was so scared, I didn’t want to have medical check up by myself so I decided to wait for my hubby to come but by Friday, of course he can’t came back that early and I just missed my appointment. And by that time, the lump has gone. BUT now, I think I am having it on the other side of my body, underneath my armpit. And it does hurt..but how can I complaint when everyone here have to turn to me on everything and when you are a ‘back bone’, you have to be as strong as a steel. And again, we are alone.

Yes..I blamed everything and everyone that I could think of. I blamed the government (hubby is a government servant) for having their lousy system, requiring their staffs to work on weekend when that time is suppose to be spent with the family. Especially when you only can see them once in a week, for 2 days only. I blamed the YB for being so inconsiderate taking those men off their value time with their family. I blamed the highest management of their department for delaying hubby’s transfer process with excuse after excuse. I blame the system..yes..the lousy system when others so easily can get their transfer done, even the office required other person with the same post to transfer to other division (and he has a family to moved with him) so, the transferee can be posted to her choice of place, of course without purely agreement (but no choice) from the original post holder. I blamed them when, the ‘red tape’ is a burden to their employees. Why when a one day job (can be done in 1 day) have to go through the whole lot of level of actions and very time consuming? When the Japanese becoming so far ahead of us because of their timing value and a good time cost management, we still enjoying others suffering to wait and wait and wait for their (the employer, the government..whatever or whoever it is) action? I really want to hear their (whoever they are) explanation on what good does all those red tapes to us, as a person, an employee, employer or a country?

And I know, some will say I am talking rubbish here. But you are welcome to try it dear, 2 kids in hand, missing your husband like hell after a week separated and have to worry like hell when he needs to travel each Friday night for almost 4 hours to be with his family? When your children asking you, “where is daddy” for every single day and you have to hold your tears and explain that to them and wept yourself to slept, knowing that you have no choice but to sacrifice that much for getting some little extra for what ‘that employer’ pay your husband every month? How am I not to be angry when as a wife, I was left almost every weekend night by my husband because he was requiring to be on travel but at the end when the ‘employer’ supposed to pay for their (employers) sweat, they cut down the claim? How am I to be patient when an offer to change to other post at new rate of pay dated a year ago but only done in this year? How am I to stand it all when all the cost for traveling back and forth to be with his family consumed almost RM500 a month?

And why are we doing this? If it is too hard for us, then why are we willing to do it?

THEN: what choice do we have but to rely on the so call ‘employer’ their understanding so that we can have a better way of life? All we are asking is, stop the red tape, start thinking like a human being instead of ‘thinking technically like a system’ so people will be happier working with them and no family have to choose to be together or to have a better life but not together.

If I am to be call a ‘no brain’ because I want what best for us and we deserve it as an employee and a citizen, then, I will give you the pass. I am not a brainer. So what..I just want my husband to be granted his transfer so my children will have their father and we can pursue our aim. If I am a stupid because I felt upset because my husband can’t come home this weekend but has to work on the days that they had given to their staffs as their off days..then many wife and mother are stupid too I guess.

BUT there is one thing I am very sure of, if you do not understand or refuse to understand of what I am feeling now and judging me by acting tough on this, then you still can’t say that you are human enough to understand others as a human too. A human will not react to nothing unless he is insane enough to be put in an asylum.

And how I wish everyone else that do not understand will experience the same thing..no less, no extra, so we will know what does ‘emotion’ mean. Am I stupid for being emotional and needing support from others to go through my situation? You tell me..am I that bad showing my emotion and spoke out all those things that I can see (of course I can’t see all..I am not a genius here..I am the stupid one). And of course I spoke out my mind, honestly from my mind of what we are having through. How I wish people can try others life just like they are putting their feet in others shoes. I am not trying to answer a quiz here and give all the right answer, I just pointed out my own point of view and being angry for the lack of the awareness and asking and wishing for the appropriate action to be taken so that no family is separated because they want to have a better life.

Instead of being so defensive why not this people, look through what is not there and try to do the repair?

If you are a restaurant operator, if a customer said that your soup is too salty, instead of scold back the customer, easier if we lessen the salt. Or am I wrong too? Why can’t we trying to be more understanding of others difficulty?

Well…I apologize if I did sometimes really tough on my statement but I think I have the right to.

And I can foresee that in next year, if hubby is still not granted his transfer, my life will be more hectic for one of the girl will be in her pre school. Just imagine how fun it is, handling everything by your own and cry at night after you think that you almost can’t do it in the afternoon.

If I am to choose, I prefer my hubby to be in private line. More open opportunity and choices. Not bound to any ridiculous red tape but have more chances to move forward based on his own performance..but of course I can’t choose for him. It is his decision and definitely, if he choose the later, many will call him stupid too. But I will always by his side no matter what he choose. If he is stupid then he is my stupid husband, not others.

But many I’ve found very understanding thou. That is just what I needed..I didn’t say a specific name and scold them ‘membabi buta’ but I just spilled out what I felt and being honest with it. If I am so wrong, why then so many did agree with me? Maybe because they are just understand and wisely knew that what I want is support, not a correction and judgment.

Apart from that, all goes very well today. I am sad and missing my husband and the girls too but I do feel better and I am glad for having so many friends that is willing to accept me as who I am. Friends that know when to debating right or wrong and know when the time is correct to be just supportive.

But I am not offended, nor do I blaming any other person at thinking of what they are thinking. I am me, I am not perfect, I am not clever and definitely not a beauty..;) I am just an ordinary person struggling from the lowest point of my life to have a better life and am still struggling but do take something into mind, I am a Scorpio and I have been through almost everything that people will think as impossible and I can survive all that, so sometimes, when people questioned my wisdom, they hit the most dangerous point that there is in me. I might not ‘selling’ all the greatness about myself but that is because I don’t like to bragging.

So, always be humble and true to ourselves. Acting arrogant will not bring anyone to any way. May be people nod their head but not necessary agree with us. If we are to think we are good, more out there is better than us, I am very sure of it.

And now, I just need to live it day after day, being thankful for everything He throw to me even if it hurts sometimes because I know, He can see how strong I am then He test me. For the sake of the children, hopefully what we are going through right now will make us stronger.

So thank you to all friends that had given their comfort words and asking in concern towards my well being, I am really grateful for them. They are the best of persons I could have as friends even most of them never see me in person. Maybe we can see more of that person through their writing then…

Last but not least, always be grateful and try to be more concern toward others might give us more wisdom.

Until we meet again…may God bless you all…

Humble me;

-Jess-

*actually this is prepare at 10.07 pm, Friday night at my home and I will post it to jessysvoice early in the morning*

Mindset (Part II)

I have been talking about mindset last few weeks before in part I. Now, I just want to continue on some of the issue that I personally think is important to highlight it to have our young generation, especially from my own group of people, Iban.

In the 1st part of Mindset, I have talked about how our people holding ourselves back by exercising negative attitude in our daily routine and the way we think. Like I said before, if we want to have our music video publish, why don’t we do it in the best way that there is?

Instead of showing the old shabby long house of us, why don’t we filmed the music video in a more modern long house? Instead of drinking ourselves to half dead with our husband money, why not, we as a wife, save a part of it for the future of our children education and to have a proper financial planning when our husband is retiring or just in case if anything does happened to them as a breadwinner? Why can’t we think of the future and taking a secure step towards it?

Now, lets us open our heart and try to understand and look into the bottom of the whole thing. I am not suggesting that everyone should agree with me but my intention here is just to bring the matter into a thought and maybe some of us can make use of some of the sharing point.

Choosing an Occupation

I think more than hundredth times already, I have encounter and see this situation where some of the parents, when it comes to the best choice of occupation ever, without hesitation will say, work in a government sector is the best job ever.

I am not against any government servant for my own husband (and I am always proud of him) working with one of the government department and I am, if not very well, may be slightly understand the way it’s work.

Honestly, looking into the system now, working with government would not getting us any further away from what we are having now. Why? I am not saying that it is not good, it just that the system does slow down the step if one want to move forward to the front.

For example, as a government staff with the average grade that is either A11-N17, started at the age of 23-25 years old, the salary ladder will be barred at RM2k after 20-25 years of working and maybe, if taken into consideration and give it an extra credit, during retirement, they are entitled for RM1500 of monthly pension and to give more credit into it, an increment of RM50-70 a year after that until age 80.

Versus, someone that started working in, say, in oil & gas industrial at the age of 25 as a rigger in an oil platform with a monthly salary of RM1500 (average for starter) without taking into account whether they have the SPM cert or degree. In another 5 years, working in the same line consistently just the same hours they spend to work in the government sect, 8 hours a day, this man can earn up to RM7-8k for a month. Why is that?

Because :

In government sect, we are bound with the system. No matter how hard you work your ass out, how good your performance was, you can’t get more than what they have in paper for you because it was ‘inked down’, fixed at that rate. Different with private sect, the grading system is more open, we don’t have to rush the quota. In most big companies, the performance is the main thing. I have quite a number of people that I’d known become success because they are really good in they performance, not because they have the degree. This people really have what it takes. They started from the lowest step of the ladder and managed to be on top because they really are good in doing their job not because the paper said, they have the certs so they should be paid by this much or that much.

So, if you work under this type of people, you are the most lucky employee because this type of people will not look down on others, they will appreciate your hard work, believe in your determination. They do not curious over that piece of paper that most other people with proudly showing off to others but when it comes to doing they job, they are just suck.

BUT still I can see that my own people, looking highly on government job, because once I heard a father said, government job is the most stable of job, government will never get bankrupt. Well sir, you definitely can survive if you work with the government but I don’t think you will achieve what you want to achieve.

One of my friend, that I always remember her quote: “If you want to be rich, government will not get you anyway”. Well, some might say I really have something against government. I AM NOT!!

I just speak out my opinion that we can do more in private sect as an employee.

If you want a stable future why can’t you just do it yourself then? Why can’t you save 10% of your monthly income, invest it slowly and at the age of 60 you can have your own pension scheme? EPF for example offer us a very good return and we can have our own business as part of our financial plan when we are retire at the age of 58 but most of us, choose the easiest step of all..spend all the 11% of the monthly salary that used to be saved in the EPF and wait for the government to pay us RM1500 every month after we retired.

To say the least, you save 10% of your monthly income, after 30 years of saving plus all the interest, you can have more or less RM100k when you are retire THEN, set up your own business and gain RM5-10k from it, instead of just RM1500 from the government?

You want RM1500 or RM5000-10,000…its in your hand.

The bottom line is, instead of thinking of how much you can spend with the pension money, why not we think of how to generate the money and earn more? Is it too difficult to do? You do not have to have any Master Degree to think of this kind I thing I guess.

Maybe some of us quite familiar with the story of teaching a bear cub of how to hunting instead of feed him.

Sometimes ago, I also shared with a friend regarding one situation. Normally when we have a function organized by one of our organization, the people that organized this will asking for a fund or budget so they can make things run. They will pay a singer to perform, they will invite all the VVIP people to attend and have the nicest meal they can afford to have with the budget, then after the event finished, they also finished at that. Left with zero, nothing.

Why not we look at the different scenario then?

Organized a function or event, pay a motivator to give talk, to share on how to be a positive person, to listen and learn how others can succeed in their life? Then, try to create some turnover from the budget? Say, open a booth and rent it out so we can gain some from it? Maybe can save some portion of the organization money in FD? Then, if they have profited from that, may be they can sponsor some of the potential kids from the organization to further they study ?

For me, it just a matter of choice, may be not many will choose the correct path for the first time but surely after so many times, happened to so many people, we still can’t urge ourselves to think OUT OF THE BOX?

Maybe our weakness is, the BOX. I really proud every time I see few people, my own people that I can call a success people in what they are doing. And sorry to disappointed you, these people, they didn’t get it in easy way. Because they are brave, they dare themselves to look outside the box. So, when they looked outside, they saw opportunity.

Another thing that really bother me is how my own people really hate it when they own people become more than them. Why does it become a problem to us, when someone else made it because of the efforts that they have made? Why do we have to bring them down, just because we can’t put ourselves at the top along with them?

I once heard a relative of mine said, “Sijil Beli” just because this young chap has studying in a private college? So, this chap labeled as not intelligent enough for not being chosen to study at IPTA or government university. Instead, they should have been proud because this young man, has made an effort to get his education, regardless of which college he got it from. He has a heart to enhance his own ability, not just sitting there after SPM and hoping to get a job with government and earn RM1200 a month with his SPM cert.

Sometimes, these kind of people really amaze me. I was wondering whey did they get the idea of “sijil beli”?

Then, this morning a friend sharing with me, how a community judging and pointing finger just because a lady, with her kind heart, supported and sharing the burden of her boyfriend in studying. And there comes the “nunduk ke orang laki” , “enda tegiga ke laki bukai”..come on la… what is wrong in doing that? What is wrong is supporting something or someone that is good? Did the lady loan or asking their money in doing so? I doubt it.

One of my facebook friend, last week, enraged by a scenario as he called it, “Bertuankan ai arak”..

I, myself sometimes went out and entertained some friends and of course we had few cans of beer but I never drunk myself out of my head.

Unfortunately, in our country, we do not have any clinic or programme for alcoholic because in our country, have no treatment for this disease. We treat drug addict but not alcoholic. So, in our mind, there is no alcoholic, they is nothing wrong in being drunk every day, become stupid because of the liquor and beating their wife when they were drunk, because we can do nothing about it. It’s okay to show to our kids our stupidity when we were drunk. Because there is no law against it.

So, this mental set will be inherited by the new generations. Finish the month’s pay in one week for karaoke and liquor, on girls and gambling.

I have experienced a lot in this matter.

Few weeks ago, a couple of husband and wife that was also my client (life insurance) called me and said that they wanted to terminated they saving in their policy. When the policy were still enforced, I went up and down to their place to collect the premium and help them to pay. When they said they want to terminate, after almost 4 years of enforcement (a lot of money has been saved) I have no say, because that was their right. And happened to be, there are some money in the fund to be refunded to them.

But deep in my heart, I am frustrated not because I will not receive any commission from their policy anymore (mind you, I have received a lot in the pass 3 years) but because I know, truly knowing that apart from this (the policy), they have no others saving. They only can maintained 2 of the policies out of the 4 originally applied and enforced. And now, they also lost it.

But, who am I to decide for their future? I am not giving up in my people because I know, many out there has make their step forward and I hope to see me, myself among them.

I just think that I am going to stop here for this time, but I will always talking about this thing and hopefully it can give some of us the wake up call. Well there is a big chancec that no one is going to read this for I know how our people react towards reading habits but I will never stop hoping, there will be more changing of attitude in our people. because everything is starting from our mind. If we think backward, we will left behind and the only people that can make the changes and make the first step ahead is the young and new generation.

Adios and see you soon...;)

Harry ft. Jenny - Semakin sayau semakin rindu

this is one of many Iban's song that I love to hear...at least not about frustration and broken heart all the time..acid rain also very talented.

Marriage In My Eyes

Good morning all...

Actually there is a lot of things in my mind but I don't really have time to express everything out in here, for now, I am back to 8-5 again plus, mother duty after that, plus my life insurance service that I need to maintain to my clients and also my online boutique, Galasuri e-boutique that takes almost of my time to myself away. So, when I stop, I was either too tired to write any entry here or I was just pampered myself and be lazy...

But I really interested in a discussion at one of my friend's wall in facebook about the reason why the rate of divorce is increasing in Malaysia. Like always, I never can stop my own opinion but that is what the purpose rite? to share and discuss...either you are pro or contra, you do contribute.

Well..I am not the perfect person to talk about marriage I guess for I myself have failed in my previous marriage but I am never too ashamed to admit it for that is one of the reason I can get up once again now, standing here and preparing for my next step. My entry here is not to judge anyone or to justify anything but just to share some of my view about this topic. That is why I put the title : Marriage In My Eyes..it is truly, purely from my own opinion, based on my own experience, not from anyone else. Hopefully this sharing will shed some light into our life.

When I was first married, I was just 19 years old. When I looked back at that day and if I am now, giving any chance to change anything, I'd say, I will back away..

Factor (I) Age

I know some said that, it's nothing to do with age, because it was done all through this time, from our ancestors time more than 50 years ago, our great grandparent was married as early as 13 years old, and that is true..my parent when they were married, my father was just 18 and my mothers was 13 years old.

But, does it fair to compare these two distance generation to our time now? Before, when our parent were married, when our great grandparent were married, they was no what we called "city". No outside influence as much as now in the big city. When they were paired with they chosen partner, they have no much choice but to stick to each other and focusing in survived their daily life, that was at that time, went into the wood and hunting or maybe did the farming tasks.

Now, we have hundreds type of entertainment, millions of opportunities, the world is larger, our social circle is getting bigger. Somehow, these young couple will look out through their 'window' and realised that this is not they want. Or they want more...so the marriage is just a barrier from what they should have or what their future should look like.

A young husband might think, 'I am still young, I should have friends and enjoy my life, not stuck here with this too much of commitment (many knows how afraid a man of a commitment)'

And a young wife might think 'I am just 20 and I am smart, I should have a degree and work as an executive right now, dress beautifully and have many admirer to send me flowers, not sitting here and being a servant in my own home, never going out and enjoy my life..'

Preparing ourselves to enter a marriage life or get a certificate before we say we do? But then, it is just on the paper, theory. Actual life can't be study through a book. Actual marriage life is something to do with maturity and responsibility and we are not going to find them in any book.

So, at the end, they will getting tired of each other and divorce is the only way out. Maybe not many is lucky enough or strong enough to start all over again and end well after that, but still for me..age and preparation is the main factor.

Factor (II) The Reason

When going to be marry couple, asked the why question, I can bet the number one answer will be, "because we love each other"

Why do we want to get married to each other and why now?

Honestly, when I was married for the 1st time, I didn't really know what I was doing actually. Our parent (after seeing us dating each other for about 2 years) made all the decision. They choosed the date, they choosed the restaurant, choosed the guests, choosed not to be married at church and luckily they choosed to pay for it too..

But to tell you the truth, I did not feel proud of it. And it (all the decision by others) ate me up sometimes later. My fault for being so stupid, did not say no. Did not say 'I am not ready' or 'I want to have a job first'. That was the biggest mistake ever, not knowing what we want ourself and being carried away by what we though as a eternity love at the age of 19 or 20!!

Well, proven being romantic did not help at all then..young heart started to cracked when they realised there were so much more they want and need in their life. So, being in love might not be the right reason to be married then...but what will??

What about wanting to settle down our own life..of course after we are very very ready for it..After the age of 25 some might have a good job and started to think that 'This is the time..I can support a family of my own" or at that age, a man will say..think its time to stop the jollying and have someone to care for me.

Love tself is very abstract, when you are in love doesn't mean that you are ready to commit and shouldered the responsibility. But of course, many do not aware of this.

Or a girl decided to be married at the age of 18, abandoned her college and aim just because she mistakenly, stupidly, do not know about safe sex and landed herself in the base of motherhood in that very early of age? Who should we blame? The school for not teaching about safe sex education? The parent for not provided their daughter with the knowledge? The boyfriend for being even more stupid, knowing himself scared like hell to be responsible and being a father at 18 and forget about condom when they can't stand the lust?

Anything, everything, we come back to the reason again...force marriage because of the girlfriend was pregnant is not much different than a suicide to a boy. How do we as a parent, let our children do this? Sex before marriage is very much unavoidable this days..why don't we open our heart and face the fact then? Instead of forcing ourself to believe that our children will not doing it because they are sooo...nice and a good child, why not we prepare them the knowledge of having the safe sex then??

Do not bargain with the reason of the marriage. Force marriage will never get you to where you want. Married because you really ready for it. Never married anyone because you felt sorry for them, because you felt obliged to pay someone's good deeds..that is another wrong reason to get married for me. Because my friends, part from everything else, love does play a role..because I myself, believe in true love, so marrying someone that you do not love naturally also not a good choice..so, be carefull with whatever reason you want to be marry to your partner or else, again you might be in the statistic like me..

Factor (III) Financial Issue

Do not take for granted this one. Especially the ladies out there. Do not say, you will be happy only with your true love, because your heart might full of love but your stomach might not dear...;)

Maybe this romantic partner will not have the issue in the 1st few years but wait until you have another mouth to feed and you definitely can't feed them maggie mee..."Only the rich will say, money is not important" how that is true and correct. Be practical is what the poor always do..saying that money is not important is just a methapor for the rich..that is because they already have the money.

Imagine yourself, a wife...ok..a housewife. Staying at home with 2 small kids. Your husband is just a labour at the site bringing home RM1500 a month. Well, do some maths..house rental RM300, utilities bill RM100, telephone RM50, car loan (a family with 2 kids need a car) RM300, the kids formula, 1 tin each week cost RM45 (x 4 weeks) equal to RM180, fuel for the car RM200, kitchen supply RM300....now the total is RM1430 already. And you as the wife would not have any chance to be on holiday, eat in a fancy restaurant, shop for nice dress because there is a financial issue in the house.

A woman is just an ordinary human being...she can see her friends and relative wearing jeweleries, can see her friends have good job and can support themselves very well. When she was 45 years old the question will be "what have I done all this while? taking care of others but me myself lost in nowhere?"

And a wife to this situation won't have much choice, they can't have their hair done, they can't wear nice outfits because if they do, their children will starve to death, so they have to accept what they have and live with that.

Then the husband...if you can't afford to buy your wife a nice dress, can't afford to provide for her beauty expenses, you might going home in another 5 years and seeing a fat, ugly wife of yours. How is that? You don't mind? Come on...don't ever trick yourself..

Then the climax of the drama, the husband will start to get many crazy ideas in his head. "My wife so scary with her double chin, swagging cheeks and layers and layers of tummy..." And the end, they will never know it when they started to have the imagination of having something different. The problem is, men do not age easily and do not get fat as a housewife will do.

The wife will be angry because the husband do not provide enoguh for them and the husband will be happy to have another reason to materialised his imagination. Again, the closure will come to the addition of the statistic.

Factor (V) Interference

Interfere...interfere..interfer...hmm. I even had this issue long time ago. Okay, in a marriage home, they should not be any other person that can or should interfere. If you are a husband, do not ask your mother of when should you started to have a child of your own. Do not ask your mummy whether your wife should working or stay at home. Do not ask your mother which house should you buy for your family. DO NOT!! Because we, the wife hate a husband that always referring to his mother. We have no place for mummy boy!! If you want to be a good son, you will never ever be a good husband. Believe me in this.

Once you married, stay alone with your family (not your parent's family). Be independent is sweets although it might be hard. Sometimes, being in difficulty together will make the bond stronger and the love deeper. Do not treat your wife as a "stupido".

And for a wife, never looked down on your husband but encourage them. They might not be your favourite man of the year once you are married but no two persons are the same.

Too much interference from family members is not a heathy marriage and this also contribute to the break up of many home too.

Factor (IV) The Attitude itself

Now, lets talk about this. ATTITUDE..some people I admired them very much. I have few friends that has been married at a very young age and they still can make it until now. So you might want to yell at me..TOLD U SOO!!!

Well, I am very aware that not every couple that married at young age will face failure. No, absolutely no. I just want to emphasis on some of the reasons that contribute to the statistic of the divorce in our country.

Because some friends also did talk about "putting ourself in the lowest stage/level of our own life..." so I just want to remind us all here that, no one want to be a divorcee, not me. Everyone want to live a fairytale life, happy ever after. But who are to decide on our own unknown future then?

But some really are just a pain in the ass..mind my language. I have been im marketing line in quite a time already and I have known few people that really can't be rely on as a partner. A husband, abandon his wife because he just can't think straight with his brain when his dick is 'straight'. I will not say anything if the wife is as terrible as he as a husband, but the wife is such a good wife, a husband can find. Still, he choosed to hurt the partner and break his own home.

And Ive known some wife that really are ungrateful as a wife. Spending their husband's paycheck and bringing their home to a disaster, with long que of debts and loan.

If we are a wife, share the burden so we will understand how hard it is to gain the paycheck. If you are a husband, share the house chores so you will understand how tired we are after we finished at night when you want sex.

There is one particular I've heard and like "fix something if you want sex". I think that is fair enough.

Divorce happened because women are getting smarter and they just don't want to have to wait for someone but they live's itself is being unappreciated. I still have strong believe that love is not impossible but our attitude keen to destroy everything that we'd builded.

Lastly, I would like to apologize if whatever I'd write here did hurt someone. My purpose in writing is just to share..I might not write it nicely but for me what most important is I honestly, genuinely, express my own opinion through this good way..writing.

Again, there is no intention to judge anyone, because me, myself is just an ordinary person, not a perfect one and I always open up for honest discussion.

Miri trip 10/07/2010

On 10/07/2010, Saturday, couple of weeks ago, I was in a trip with my hubby, my boss, Dee and one of my colleague to Miri, to visit our boss' friend that has just lost his wife in the week before. At the same time, my boss Mr. ramli and his wife Mdm Cindy (my friend Dee) was planning to went to Tv 10 Studio, where they had their wedding anniversary dinner's event video recorded and edited.

So, here we go.......


We started our journey at 11 a.m..(hehehe..me and hubby had to sent the kids to my aunt's place..) leaving our car at Dee's house and sharing her cute myvi...5 of us and I have to squezzed myself in between hubby and Maxwell at the back seats..lucky me, my size got no problem with that..;)

About 1 and half hour driving..(boss drove us lel..;)) we stop at Niah rest stop at 12.30 pm. Shiny day, I can felt the sun was envied my skin..so he burnt it (a little..Dee did provided us with her sunscreen cream that she stored in her car). But I was grateful for the weather thou, for if it was raining, we might not be able to make it in time. A day trip..you better pray for the best....

Durriiiiaannnnn!!!

I was quite surprise with the sight of it..hahahha...never too early for durian season la...I am a kaki durian myself and Dee and his hubby just as excited as I was at the sight of the smelly, 'thorny' durians..

Sorry for hubby, he just not into it (durian fan's club..hehehe..)..they sold it by kg here..hmm..imagine what is the weight of a nice, medium size of a durian? Here it was sold at RM9/kg..not bad..and a durian (as I sd, nice, medium size ..) can weighted up to 1.5 kg..one durian..

So, tokey nior weighted and bought 2 durians and guess what? It was yummy.....thanx Dee..;)

Erks..I was not really a good photographer myself..hehehehe...blurr a bit but no worry, I still can see the beauty of the durians...;)

Why..I was always forgetting to take pictures before we finished the whole things on the table...hai yoo..selalu macam ni..:( nevermind, we just check the durian's skin lol..hehehe..)

Yum seng again?..No? How to cheers with durian then? hahahaha....hantu durian..Dee and husband, our boss..cayalah..they were so sporting, possing with the durians...

hahahaha..believe me when I said this tokey nior is 'hantu durian'? She was soo.. happy with the durians...

What a sight....hungry la...;) everyone finished their meal..I tried to minimize my food intake thou and hubby was the victim..hehehe...apart from hubby that was only had a piece of the durian, the rest of the leftovers belong to 4 of us...

photo taken by Dee...Mr Ramli, Maxwell (he was solo this time :)....), hubby with his favourite England's jersey shirt and a loyal fan too...and me, at the corner..at least you can't see my 'plump' image here...;)

My favourite...100 Plus is a must after a hot sunny day and less water intake..this drink is a big help or I will get my mouth ulser immediately...thanx 100 plus..

After about half hour at the rest stop, washing our hand off the durian's smell and cleansing our mouth..(never underestimated the durian effect in your social life....) we continued our adventure...hahahha..sounds so thrill pulak...

At 2 pm, we arrived in Miri town and after getting lost for about 15 minutes, we managed to found the friend's house and when we were they, we were served (less than 2 hrs after we had our lunch plus durian at Niah rest stop) with orang ulu's rice that wrapped and cooked in a leaf called daun 'long'.. actually i was thinking in taking photos but then I don't think it was appropriate to take photos in this situation...

We were there to expressed our sympathy and the deceased was only 43 yrs old and she had stroke due to her high blood desease. Actually, I do not really know how to react in this kind of situation..I hate to think of the unfortunate fate of losing someone that we love at this early age. but, at least the kids has grown up and can take care of themselves but I really can understand the feeling of the spouse thou...losing a partner that has spent almost of their life with us is unbearable..that is what I think...

Anyway, condolence to this family and thank you for the warmth welcome.

After 3 pm, we again continue our journey.....;)

Boulevard Plaza, Miri....poor Maxwell..hehehe...he was solo..(Mrs and his son can't make it ...no space..hehehe..)

they were having the wedding show at the upper level...when I was arrived there, I just passed the camera to hubby and I rushed to the washroom immediately..how did I know that he just hold the camera and not taking any photos lel..hahahha..hubby..hubby..

The show was pretty....they have beautiful photos and wedding gown...

Oopsss..don't forget..we are here to see Johnny, the event photographer of Dee's wedding anniversary dinner. Johnny's studio is participating in the show too..;) by the way, I really love the photos taken by him..very beautiful and creative...congrates Johnny!!!

Actually I have a better photos of them...hehhee..but I like the candid side of this one..hehehe..sorry Dee..no worry, you still look gorgeous no matter how candid the photos was....and that was our talented photographer, Johnny...my boss? as always..smile...;)

Again, we had to looked for a place...:P...our next stop was TV10 studio..a videographer for Dee's wedding anniversary dinner...

We found the place..thanx to Angela (TV10's staff)..with her direction by phone that I was wrongly heard as 2020 cash when she actually said '2020 cafe'...hahahaha..but we still managed to found her place..but before that, Dee insisting on buying something for them eventhough Angela has refused our offer of KFC's chicken...that is my friend Dee..always giving..;) God bless her..

And...at the time we were standing there, waiting for her to shop for a basket of fruits for Angela and her colleague, we suddenly saw this..well, the one that was excited to saw this was Maxwell...hahahaha..he even invited us to have our hair cut there..funny...

hahahaha....what a coincidence...

Okay..now that we've found TV10 studio, I can't wait to see Angela..she was so friendly and funny on the phone..and I kind of building a friendship with her after I'd lost count of how many times I needed to called her for the anniversary arrangement and she was totally nice and very patient with me..thanx amoi..;)

Dee and Angela ..possing for the camera..;)

Here we are..at Angela's cozy office..can you see at the wall..they'd producing quite a numbers of video.

Lagak seorang editor...:)

We enter the mini studio at the back and Angela played part of the video for us...it was the first time I was in a studio and it was awesome..the equipment they had there...both of us, Dee and me were so eager to watched the video..it was 2 hrs of event video..after they edited that.

And I can say that they did a good job with it..;)

my hubby...so camera shy yet so sporting..;) thanx hubby...your support is the most important thing to me..;)

this is how the mini studio looked like..I told Angela I will publish these photos in my blog and she was okay with it...:)

I think this is what they use to edit the video...do not know the name thou ..hehehe...

me...Dee always like to test her ability in taking my photo..hahahaha...i think she is quite good, she managed to take the right angle..without the chubby look...;)

with TV10 staffs..Richard (MD) was standing next to Mr Ramli, fourth from right

...Richard, the managing director of TV10 was just a small man but I can see that he was full of idea..he managed to market their product and works, with Mr. ramli and he was so friendly too...

hehehehe...we got it...simple photo of us..love this crazy man..;)

Richard was presenting to Mr Ramli...soo..clever

we said goodbye after about an hour later...

now..we were at bintang Plaza..my dear friend need to go to Parkson, urgently..hahahaha....

when we were at Miri, normally it was with the kids and we never can't missed the chaotic scenario..but today, me and hubby just wandering by ourself..felt like we are dating once again...

after more than half hour waiting for Dee to finished her 'addiction' with Parckson, I just can't stand it anymore...

the queue was never end..so I just urged hubby to queue with me and get the Mc D's 'chocolate toppy' for me..hehehe...

after I finished my ice cream, (luckily I didn't have to had another one..hehehe..)that amoi come out from Parkson with a bottle of perfume that I forgot what was the name again..cost her RM260...and I told her, I can buy 5 bottle with that much money..hehehe...

again...I forgot to take photos before we ate the whole beautiful, yummy seafood...huhuhu...we had crab, steamed fish (forgot the name), fried prawn with egg and vegi..(what vegi ha..)

I was so full, I planned to sleep in our way back..we heading back Bintulu at 7 pm..thank you to Mr Ramli and Dee, for sponsoring the trip...;)

During our journey back, I saw a red light in the sky and I thought it was a lightning something and I just ignored it after a while and at the same time, praying that the weather will be in our side until we reached home..

But when we were so close to Bintulu and eventually when we were at Bintulu area, actually the red light that I saw, was a fire from a gas 'chimney'..(I don't know how do they called it..) at MLNG site there..it was so beautiful. It makes me wonder how God provided us with all this rich source and human with their intelligent mind, managed to build something that is as bis as this thing and not mention the cost of it...the wealth, the money come in because of this thing...oil.

okay...we were home about 10 pm...then we can felt the 'impact'...my back aching...ouch..and we said goodbye to each other..thanks again to Dee and Mr. Ramli...

Here we were...12.30, stretching out after 1 and a half hour crammed in the back seat of the cute myvi of Dee...I was so busy learning how to use the camera at first (it was Dee's) before we left from Bintulu, I didn't manage to take any photos...so, this is kind of the 1st photo taken ..hehehe..that was hubby, straightening his shirt..and as always, Mr. Ramli was so sporting with his smile...

CORRUPTION-MALAYSIA: Video Clip Lands Top Judiciary in the Dock - IPS ipsnews.net

I really want to know more on these...


CORRUPTION-MALAYSIA: Video Clip Lands Top Judiciary in the Dock - IPS ipsnews.net

subsidy oh..subsidy...

I think that the whole morning I've been talking about this issue..yesterday morning and this morning too. honestly, I am very upset by this thing, not because I am that calculative on that few cents increment but the only thing that appeared in my mind is the impact on the poor or middle income people. They might not get direct impact on this but apparently they will have to shouldered the burden when the business class community such as restaurant and grocery stores. Definitely, immediately, these group of people will increase the rest of the goods price due to a reason that I am not surprise of:"minyak sudah naik o...mana ada untung, kos hantar ambik barang pun sudah berapa.." or "gula sudah naik harga la..kalau jual kopi harga lama memang rugi..macam mana mau cari makan.."

not that we can blame them when everyone needs to feed their own family..everyone just need to 'pinch' someone else just to survive.

Many of friends has shared teir opinion and none of them has agreed or can say anything positive towards this issue. Well, may be they are some people who will gain something from this but definitely not us, the people.



just to quote some one of the article by Malaysia Sensasi that was shared a friend with me..


Planned Subsidy Cut Draws Fire, Seen to Hurt the Poor
By Anil Netto


PENANG, Malaysia, June 8, 2010 (IPS) - The government’s proposal to remove and rationalise subsidies on essential goods and services continues to provoke a storm of criticism from ordinary Malaysians.


Idris Jala, who leads the government’s Performance and Management Delivery Unit (PEMANDU), has put it in stark terms: Malaysia will go bust in nine years if it does not slash subsidies and cut its government expenditure to curb spiraling debt.

- he (Idris Jala) said, 'if it does not slash subsidies and cuts its government expenditure TO curb spiralling debt. Well, 1st question is between the subsidies and government expenditures, they choosed the subsidies...

- why do we have such a huge debt? we are so rich in natural resources, we have oil & gas, we have logs, we have our own marine supply, we have our own rich land for agricultural sources, we have income from tourisme industry, we supply water to Singapore..pendek kata, we have almost everything that we need to be rich left alone to survive.

now let us check this part, also from the same reading..

"But many Malaysians blame the country's financial woes on the government, with the general response being, if the government really wants to save money on subsidies, it should first plug ‘leakages’ in government expenditure and curb rampant corruption. Billions have been poured into unproductive government projects with little to show, critics charge."


-arent they make sense? that is what i meant by they choosing to cut subsidies in change of government expenditures. why don't they do the paper work again and have a look at what they need to cut in their expenditure? say..less entertainment for the MPs? stop building the 'giant' government building just to show off the beautiful looks but inside they only used 1/3 of the spaces. let me remind you of the States Building in Kapit..and I was there before and I have been to each floor of the building and I positively can assure you that they only make use of the 60% of the space (to say the most).

- and the old buildings were left to rot without being utilised..if you a businessman, everytime you see this you will think..wow..what a waste, if it is mine, may be I can get millions from it by renting it out as business office..


"(If) they get rid of the subsidies, (there will be more) money for them to distribute to their goons!'" responded one frustrated Internet user, Bhaskaran, when asked by IPS.

-why does people have this image in their mind? because the opposition poisoned their mind? but from what I've seen, majority of the opposition or the people that become stronger in their voice in opposing the government policies is the people that we can consider as a highly educated people, professional in their jobs, energetic youngsters and college students. if these group of people insisting on objecting, they might be something to think about it...

Abang Benet in a commentary published recently by the social reform group ALIRAN. "But please ensure that the poor and the most marginalised groups continue receiving subsidies since they need it most. After all, why penalise the poor and the most marginalised for the subsidy excesses of the ruling coalition?"

- I am totally agreed with this statement "why penalise the poor and the most marginalised??

-it kind of, asking people to pay for their luxury (have you seen Khir Toyo's palace?), whereas the poor geeting poorest, supporting the rich, paying along the fuel for them..

-when I said, why don't they charged the Hilux, Bmw, Mercedez car owners the unsudsidised fuel but subsidised the small or cars? my husband asked me back..how they going to implementing that? well...the computer also very complicated but man can sort anything from it...we also have system for swiping credit cards..why can't we create a system that can lessen the burden of the lower income people?


PEMANDU set up a ‘Subsidy Rationalisation Lab’ in March to review all forms of subsidies with a view to trimming expenditure and curbing fiscal debt. On May 27 it held an ‘Open Day’ to obtain public feedback on a range of proposals, including plans to gradually remove petrol and gas subsidies, raise highway tolls, hike government hospital fees, and abolish some education subsidies.

- I tell you one thing, if they come to hospital fees, they are really really desperate already they might rob us openly on the street and what is the use of the poll anyway? they not gonna look at it la...

-education? who cares about our children's education when they can afford to send their kids to others country to get better education? In the while we struggling between 2 jobs to educated our kids and to feed our family...no saving for retirement counted for we definitely will never have enough money to save


During the public consultation, it was revealed that companies received 18 billion Malaysian ringgits (about 5.4 million U.S. dollars) out of total subsidies of 74 billion ringgits (22.2 million dollars) in 2009. In contrast, the poor received only 1.7 billion ringgits (511,813 dollars).

By holding out the prospect that their resource-rich country could go bankrupt by 2019, Idris, who is also a cabinet minister, aimed at convincing Malaysians that shock therapy was necessary. Subsidies would only lead to market distortion, draining the government of funds for more targeted development projects for the people, he said.

- again..the rich get the benefit and the poor get the free sympathy..what can we do? report? reporting to whom? to the group that get the 18 billion RM? I might be dreaming of it...

- what is the "targeted developenemt project"? building 2 billion RM private school and only the rich kids can study there? giving more allowance to teaching stuffs but cut off the student food supply?

- talking about development project...Sibujaya, they builded the new house and sale it at 100k for an unit but it is still the same size, the same design (only change the room direction) and the same height, with the same material..and previously the house there only cost 40-70k for each unit..talking about middle cost and lower cost housing.

- Durin bridge which I always remember and asking some people..only builded with one side of the bridge..it was supposed to have 2 side bridge with 2 lane in each side but now, you can go there and see for yourself how funny is the look when the new road from Sibu builded in 2 way (with 2 lane each way) but suddenly narrowed to the only 1 side of the bridge..

"That is the wrong approach towards managing a country where there are lot of poor people and a high disparity in income between the rich and poor," said Santiago.

But Idris argued that subsidies would be more targeted to the very poor instead of a blanket subsidy for all. "We will continue to spend to provide subsidies on education such as scholarships, text book assistance, food, etc.,’’ the local media reported him as saying.

- i am not buying any of the thing that this Idris Jala said because i know very well, it is easy to say than do it..how he going to do it? how he going to target the poor? will he come down to every corner of malaysia or Sarwak particularly and hand it personally? or he will pass it to his people, and his peopla will 'bite' a bit the pass to others and this 'others' will 'bite' abit too? and at the end what left is really the leftover? is that what he meant?

- but still I can see, student with both parents are teachers (with income of 2-3k a month each of them)still can have their free textbooks ..you tell me how this can reach the so called "target"?


A Chinese-language newspaper, ‘Nanyang Siang Pau’, cited in the English-language ‘The Sun’, has predicted that the reduction of subsidies would lead to a 20 percent increase in the living expenses of the average household within three years.

"If you think about it, it is the companies who receive the most in subsidies, which include not just the direct subsidies, but also cheap land, soft loans, bailouts using public funds, and other incentives," Santiago added.

- yess...you are absolutely right sir..increase in the living expenses..didn't anyone in our PM office think about this or they are just plain stupid too? that is what we meant by burdening the poor, the poor become poorer..how are we going to have our own house when all we did for the rest of our life is working our ass out just to get enough food???

- then ...who is this company's owner then? who has interests in this so called companies that buying cheap land, who is that, that need to pay bail outs everytime their development project failed?

Faced with a barrage of negative feedback, Prime Minister Najib announced on Tuesday the government had not made a final decision on whether subsidies should be scrapped or cut and it was still carefully studying its next move.

- i really don't understand what did he think when he made the decision then? the damaged is done, the faith has gone...but i bet he really think of srapped it forever..definitely not for the good of the people..that I am very sure of it. but the tactic always worked thou..promised to correct the wrong but when people were calm..they just forget about it..isn't that clever..

be sure to check more on this issue as at below;

http://www.malaysiasensasi.net/2010/07/editor-diarah-elakkan-perkataan-barang.html

http://malaysiakini.com/letters/134829

i only managed to comment on this only article for the moment..but i really appreciate any sharing or feedback on this. sometimes when we share we can shed more light on the thing.

again, i just can help it but feeling frusted by our leader for their selfishness..why there is no one that is really can be a leader and serve the people not because of the money that they can get from it but because they are just a good man?