Friday, February 10, 2012


OMG!! I haven’t been wrote anything since beginning of 2011. What a lazy bone am I. There were so many things happened. So many things to share, the good and the bad things. Honestly, mostly were the bad ones but I don’t want to be whining about my life when now, at this moment, I think I am content with everything I have. I made myself promise that I will not forget anymore. I will not forget that God was with me when I thought that I can’t make it through. God was listening when I felt so lonely and nobody cared. There were times when I have to hide myself in the bathroom and cried. I acted tough and strong in front of everyone including my close friends and family, especially my husband and kids. But then when I woke up the next morning and the children jumping up and down on my bed, laughing and ready to start the day, I was grateful. At least I have them with me. I was with those that I love most. They never complaining, then why should I? And I never stop praying. I always believe that someday, God will show me the light, then I got my first job since we moved back from Sibu to Bintulu (a second time around after we moved back to Sibu on October 2010). After labour day, on May 2011 I started working at one of the biggest 4 star hotel here at their accounting department and I thanked God for that. The pay is not that handsome but at least there was something to pay the bill. And some shopping for myself. Honestly, I was happy and comfortable with most of the people and the surrounding. The Manager at that time was very understanding and always motivating. I really like her, Mdm Tan. But by then she has been resigning from her position to moved back to US with her husband. Then, the problem started. Not only for me, but for most of the employees at the administration department. When you are reaching certain level of age in your life, you are matured enough to be honest with your job and doing it sincerely, not expecting to interfere in anything other than that. You just wanted to come to work in the morning, do your work, finish everything, trying to do it perfectly and hope that nobody is disturbing you. Then going back home and rest for the night. But nothing is always what you want it to be. I am an honest person, if I think that I can’t handle it, I will leave. Then that was what I did. And I felt sorry for those that stucked there because they have nowhere else to go. I have no problem with the workload but politic is really not my cup of tea. Especially office politic. And I think the Company is ‘squeezing’ their workers too much. 8 days leave in a year? And basic as low as RM650 for Diploma holders? And if you are not categorized pretty face, you will be left aside in most of the activities there. You will not have any chance to perform in anyway. Then I walked away, for good.

When I resigned from my first job on 2011, because I was not agreed with the office politics and biased among the staffs and department, I felt lucky for getting another offer, a very good one with one of the very established company here. But then everything was such a mess. Again, the office politics and the bully really disturbing me. Most of the employees, they have a very good education background. And they are experienced in what they are doing. But too bad, because of the dirty politics and lacked of trust from the highest management level, they were most of the time not happy with what they were doing. Not a single day that I didn’t hear any complain. And of course, for I just can’t working or living in denial, I walked away…again this time. Honestly, I was so scared when I made the decision. I had put a lot of things in jeopardy. But I just can’t stand it. Every working day was a torture for me. Even when I was not working and staying at home, I just can’t have a peaceful mind.

People purposely sabotaged your work, complaining to the boss behind you and put rules to everything and anything you can do. We were not even allowed to talked and discussed among the staffs there, whether it regarding works or not. The bitch that was senior there, she did most of the thing in the wrong way (in accounting record) but she never willing to listen to others opinion. I was not allowed to come near to the fax machine, not allowed to answer the phone or door, not allowed to smile and we even scared to move without their permission. The bitch purposely did not assign any work for me, complaining in everything we did. They even called upon a meeting over pantry usage issue. There were 5 of us that were new that time and we were so distressed over all these things. We were not provided any internet and not allowed to create any file for our work. Everything have to asked for their permission (not the boss but the senior bitches). And forgive me if I do sound rude but they were ‘stupido’. They are at where they are now because they worked for over 10 years at the place. And they got mad every time we, the newcomers asking them for any advice on work. I am very sure when they were first came to work 10 years ago, they were even more stupid than us. I always remember the tone of their voice when we tried to asked about anything. They were so rude!! Every calls we made were recorded, every fax came in or going out was to be recorded, even though we were in the same office with various of company/subsidiaries, we were extremely forbidden to went to any of the others subsidiaries office (that was in the same main office, same main door). There were so many rule, you would think that you are in a jail. And not to mention, we were not allowed to listening to music also. If you have ever been to a morgue, that place was worst.

Well, I am not trying to badmouth my previous working employer but it is the truth. And I always feel sorry for my friends there that are still there whether it because of their loyalty (out of nothing) or because they have no other choice. It is very bad when your boss came back from travelling and few people complaining and delivered bad news to him and that will make him lashing out at everyone else. I am feeling sorry for the boss also, for he is an older man. He might get heart attack because of these bitches. And most importantly, those bitches one day will bring the company down with their nonsense and rudeness toward other employees. High employees’ turnover is very bad for a company’s reputation and time costing. To think that those bitches know what that mean meh… And what very annoying was, she (the no. 1 bicth) always taking credit for what everyone else doing! So, I’ve never regretted my decision even though I have to face the consequence.



For 2 months, starting from November 2011, I was jobless, back to fulltime mummy again, with tones of bills outstanding. I put up ad for home babysitter but nothing came out. I tried to sold lunch box at LNG site with a friend of mine, tried to applying for Amanah Ikhtiar Malaysia loan to set up business but everything was just not working out! I even thought of applying foa a job as a cleaner with one of my aunt. But then there are the kids to consider. WHO IS GOING TO LOOK AFTER THEM?
That was the biggest dilemma for me at that time. Then I applied for every vacancy that I saw in the newspaper’s ad that suited my qualification and experiences. One day, I saw an ad looking for an English teacher in PIMPIN Kindergarten then I called. They asked me to drop over my resume and after 2 weeks, thinking that I might not get the job for I have no official teaching background, apart from giving home tuition and I am in a very opposite field, accounting, at last I decided to try and I hand delivered my application letter and CV to the Principal.

After about 2 weeks, they called me to come for an interview and I came. There were few other ladies there and I was so not confident but I was desperate for a job, for a pay. When I was called into the interview room, there were 5 people sitting in front of me. 2 of them, the men, I figured out later were the owners. One of them, obviously was the big boss. He looked at my resume and said, “do you realize that this job is not going to get you a high pay? And it is only for morning session..” and I said “yes sir..I do realize it”.

Then he said again, “but your experiences are mostly in accounting….”

I said “ yes sir..they are..”

Then he asked again “let say you get this job, is there anything you need? Any request?”

And I thought…’wow..this is weird…can I say I want a big salary and free tuition fee for my children here?’ but instead I said “not for this time sir..”

After few questions and answers, I was dismissed and when I walked out from the room, I heard someone was calling my name and this big boss, Mr Goh was there, handing over his business card.

He said “I am looking for someone to do account, please call me if you are interested..”

And I said “allright sir, sure..”

4 o’clock that afternoon, he called me.


And I am very grateful and thankful to God every day since then. I did feel bad because on the same day Mr Goh offer me the job with a striking pay, the principal of the kindergarten also called me and I had to turn down her offer. The job was tempting when for I can bring my girl to the school and it is only for half day only, the other half day I can spend with my children at home because lately, I felt so overwhelmed by the fact that no one wanted to help us when we need it the most. But then, we took a step at time.

I reported to work on 03/01/2012. With a prayer, I was still phobia by my previous working experience. We sent the kids to my aunt’s place until we can find a better solution. And after few days, it didn’t seem to work too, we had to asked for my friend’s help, Mdm Christina and as my kids call her, Aunty Chris. What an angel, she is the friend that I consider a true friend. We drop the kids with last minute notice and she never said no. And my kids love her dearly, she is wonderful with children and the girls are pampered.

Again, I thanked God for blessing me with such a good human being to be a friend.

Then we were tested again…..

Miss Genevieve Jolene was starting to have fever…on and off for almost 3 weeks, we took her to various clinic, government and private clinics, still she was not well. Then, end of January, she was admitted to Bintulu Hospital for further medical check up. Her x-ray was so bad, her blood showing infection in her lung and I was miserably stressed. I have to obtained leave from work for 2 days and stayed in the hospital for 3 nights with her. By then she was getting better but I was so upset every time the nurses came with the antibiotic for her lung, she was so in pain because of that medicine and there was nothing I can do.

Her hand was scarred with IV scars and blood test needle. They planned to take about 10 tube of 10ml each of her blood but she was so dehydrated they can’t get any from her. And it almost brought tears to my eyes listening to her crying for the pain. But of course I can’t do that. I was to be strong, the strongest person in the world when it comes to the children. And I am glad that I did stay strong.

And I never stop praying…..because I know, God is listening. And I am right. He is indeed listening.

When I came back to worked, I was thinking that, “now..I have spent my 2 days pay and it is quite a lot for me…” but for the kids, that was nothing, all right.

I was so scared if my employer will questioned me for my absence (I did notified them) but thank God, they didn’t. My lady boss asked about Gegirl well being. But still, I was phobia…that they might not believe me.

And then, when it came to my pay day, the boss paid me in full! I was surprised and I asked him, “sir..I think you forgot to deduct my 2 days unpaid leave” and I never expected his answer;

“never mind…don’t you worry about that..”

And I said in my heart “God, bless this people for their kindness…”

It might just some money but for me, it was more than that. It is what I called TRUST.

And it can’t be bought.

Now, I am bringing Gegirl to my office. I know very well that no one know how to care for her when she is sick. I have no choice and I am taking the risk. But my employer is just a very understanding and kind persons, they never say anything about it. My lady boss even bought her a supplement. And thank God too, Gegirl is such a nice girl….she always behave but of course when she was bored, she will sometimes acted funny…but my heart is in peace now. Like a friend said..”doa orang yang teraniaya sentiasa akan termakbul..”

I am not sure about that but I do know and believe with whole my heart that, God is always here with each of us..He will reward us for our faith.

And I have made a promise to myself, I will be a better person, appreciate everything that I have, be thankful for God’s blessing and be a good role model to my children.

And I told my husband, tomorrow is Saturday (I am not suppose to working on Saturday) but I will come to work and repay my employer kindness and trust.

Just a piece of reminder for all of us;

“give when you still have something to give and be thankful for everything you have, you will be blessing for that.

Thank you for all friends that have been very supportive during my hard times…there is nothing I can do to pay you because what you guys did is priceless.


Adios….and see you soon…J