Thursday, July 29, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Actually there is a lot of things in my mind but I don't really have time to express everything out in here, for now, I am back to 8-5 again plus, mother duty after that, plus my life insurance service that I need to maintain to my clients and also my online boutique, Galasuri e-boutique that takes almost of my time to myself away. So, when I stop, I was either too tired to write any entry here or I was just pampered myself and be lazy...
But I really interested in a discussion at one of my friend's wall in facebook about the reason why the rate of divorce is increasing in Malaysia. Like always, I never can stop my own opinion but that is what the purpose rite? to share and discuss...either you are pro or contra, you do contribute.
Well..I am not the perfect person to talk about marriage I guess for I myself have failed in my previous marriage but I am never too ashamed to admit it for that is one of the reason I can get up once again now, standing here and preparing for my next step. My entry here is not to judge anyone or to justify anything but just to share some of my view about this topic. That is why I put the title : Marriage In My Eyes..it is truly, purely from my own opinion, based on my own experience, not from anyone else. Hopefully this sharing will shed some light into our life.
When I was first married, I was just 19 years old. When I looked back at that day and if I am now, giving any chance to change anything, I'd say, I will back away..
Factor (I) Age
I know some said that, it's nothing to do with age, because it was done all through this time, from our ancestors time more than 50 years ago, our great grandparent was married as early as 13 years old, and that is true..my parent when they were married, my father was just 18 and my mothers was 13 years old.
But, does it fair to compare these two distance generation to our time now? Before, when our parent were married, when our great grandparent were married, they was no what we called "city". No outside influence as much as now in the big city. When they were paired with they chosen partner, they have no much choice but to stick to each other and focusing in survived their daily life, that was at that time, went into the wood and hunting or maybe did the farming tasks.
Now, we have hundreds type of entertainment, millions of opportunities, the world is larger, our social circle is getting bigger. Somehow, these young couple will look out through their 'window' and realised that this is not they want. Or they want more...so the marriage is just a barrier from what they should have or what their future should look like.
A young husband might think, 'I am still young, I should have friends and enjoy my life, not stuck here with this too much of commitment (many knows how afraid a man of a commitment)'
And a young wife might think 'I am just 20 and I am smart, I should have a degree and work as an executive right now, dress beautifully and have many admirer to send me flowers, not sitting here and being a servant in my own home, never going out and enjoy my life..'
Preparing ourselves to enter a marriage life or get a certificate before we say we do? But then, it is just on the paper, theory. Actual life can't be study through a book. Actual marriage life is something to do with maturity and responsibility and we are not going to find them in any book.
So, at the end, they will getting tired of each other and divorce is the only way out. Maybe not many is lucky enough or strong enough to start all over again and end well after that, but still for me..age and preparation is the main factor.
Factor (II) The Reason
When going to be marry couple, asked the why question, I can bet the number one answer will be, "because we love each other"
Why do we want to get married to each other and why now?
Honestly, when I was married for the 1st time, I didn't really know what I was doing actually. Our parent (after seeing us dating each other for about 2 years) made all the decision. They choosed the date, they choosed the restaurant, choosed the guests, choosed not to be married at church and luckily they choosed to pay for it too..
But to tell you the truth, I did not feel proud of it. And it (all the decision by others) ate me up sometimes later. My fault for being so stupid, did not say no. Did not say 'I am not ready' or 'I want to have a job first'. That was the biggest mistake ever, not knowing what we want ourself and being carried away by what we though as a eternity love at the age of 19 or 20!!
Well, proven being romantic did not help at all then..young heart started to cracked when they realised there were so much more they want and need in their life. So, being in love might not be the right reason to be married then...but what will??
What about wanting to settle down our own life..of course after we are very very ready for it..After the age of 25 some might have a good job and started to think that 'This is the time..I can support a family of my own" or at that age, a man will say..think its time to stop the jollying and have someone to care for me.
Love tself is very abstract, when you are in love doesn't mean that you are ready to commit and shouldered the responsibility. But of course, many do not aware of this.
Or a girl decided to be married at the age of 18, abandoned her college and aim just because she mistakenly, stupidly, do not know about safe sex and landed herself in the base of motherhood in that very early of age? Who should we blame? The school for not teaching about safe sex education? The parent for not provided their daughter with the knowledge? The boyfriend for being even more stupid, knowing himself scared like hell to be responsible and being a father at 18 and forget about condom when they can't stand the lust?
Anything, everything, we come back to the reason again...force marriage because of the girlfriend was pregnant is not much different than a suicide to a boy. How do we as a parent, let our children do this? Sex before marriage is very much unavoidable this days..why don't we open our heart and face the fact then? Instead of forcing ourself to believe that our children will not doing it because they are sooo...nice and a good child, why not we prepare them the knowledge of having the safe sex then??
Do not bargain with the reason of the marriage. Force marriage will never get you to where you want. Married because you really ready for it. Never married anyone because you felt sorry for them, because you felt obliged to pay someone's good deeds..that is another wrong reason to get married for me. Because my friends, part from everything else, love does play a role..because I myself, believe in true love, so marrying someone that you do not love naturally also not a good choice..so, be carefull with whatever reason you want to be marry to your partner or else, again you might be in the statistic like me..
Factor (III) Financial Issue
Do not take for granted this one. Especially the ladies out there. Do not say, you will be happy only with your true love, because your heart might full of love but your stomach might not dear...;)
Maybe this romantic partner will not have the issue in the 1st few years but wait until you have another mouth to feed and you definitely can't feed them maggie mee..."Only the rich will say, money is not important" how that is true and correct. Be practical is what the poor always do..saying that money is not important is just a methapor for the rich..that is because they already have the money.
Imagine yourself, a wife...ok..a housewife. Staying at home with 2 small kids. Your husband is just a labour at the site bringing home RM1500 a month. Well, do some maths..house rental RM300, utilities bill RM100, telephone RM50, car loan (a family with 2 kids need a car) RM300, the kids formula, 1 tin each week cost RM45 (x 4 weeks) equal to RM180, fuel for the car RM200, kitchen supply RM300....now the total is RM1430 already. And you as the wife would not have any chance to be on holiday, eat in a fancy restaurant, shop for nice dress because there is a financial issue in the house.
A woman is just an ordinary human being...she can see her friends and relative wearing jeweleries, can see her friends have good job and can support themselves very well. When she was 45 years old the question will be "what have I done all this while? taking care of others but me myself lost in nowhere?"
And a wife to this situation won't have much choice, they can't have their hair done, they can't wear nice outfits because if they do, their children will starve to death, so they have to accept what they have and live with that.
Then the husband...if you can't afford to buy your wife a nice dress, can't afford to provide for her beauty expenses, you might going home in another 5 years and seeing a fat, ugly wife of yours. How is that? You don't mind? Come on...don't ever trick yourself..
Then the climax of the drama, the husband will start to get many crazy ideas in his head. "My wife so scary with her double chin, swagging cheeks and layers and layers of tummy..." And the end, they will never know it when they started to have the imagination of having something different. The problem is, men do not age easily and do not get fat as a housewife will do.
The wife will be angry because the husband do not provide enoguh for them and the husband will be happy to have another reason to materialised his imagination. Again, the closure will come to the addition of the statistic.
Factor (V) Interference
Interfere...interfere..interfer...hmm. I even had this issue long time ago. Okay, in a marriage home, they should not be any other person that can or should interfere. If you are a husband, do not ask your mother of when should you started to have a child of your own. Do not ask your mummy whether your wife should working or stay at home. Do not ask your mother which house should you buy for your family. DO NOT!! Because we, the wife hate a husband that always referring to his mother. We have no place for mummy boy!! If you want to be a good son, you will never ever be a good husband. Believe me in this.
Once you married, stay alone with your family (not your parent's family). Be independent is sweets although it might be hard. Sometimes, being in difficulty together will make the bond stronger and the love deeper. Do not treat your wife as a "stupido".
And for a wife, never looked down on your husband but encourage them. They might not be your favourite man of the year once you are married but no two persons are the same.
Too much interference from family members is not a heathy marriage and this also contribute to the break up of many home too.
Factor (IV) The Attitude itself
Now, lets talk about this. ATTITUDE..some people I admired them very much. I have few friends that has been married at a very young age and they still can make it until now. So you might want to yell at me..TOLD U SOO!!!
Well, I am very aware that not every couple that married at young age will face failure. No, absolutely no. I just want to emphasis on some of the reasons that contribute to the statistic of the divorce in our country.
Because some friends also did talk about "putting ourself in the lowest stage/level of our own life..." so I just want to remind us all here that, no one want to be a divorcee, not me. Everyone want to live a fairytale life, happy ever after. But who are to decide on our own unknown future then?
But some really are just a pain in the ass..mind my language. I have been im marketing line in quite a time already and I have known few people that really can't be rely on as a partner. A husband, abandon his wife because he just can't think straight with his brain when his dick is 'straight'. I will not say anything if the wife is as terrible as he as a husband, but the wife is such a good wife, a husband can find. Still, he choosed to hurt the partner and break his own home.
And Ive known some wife that really are ungrateful as a wife. Spending their husband's paycheck and bringing their home to a disaster, with long que of debts and loan.
If we are a wife, share the burden so we will understand how hard it is to gain the paycheck. If you are a husband, share the house chores so you will understand how tired we are after we finished at night when you want sex.
There is one particular I've heard and like "fix something if you want sex". I think that is fair enough.
Divorce happened because women are getting smarter and they just don't want to have to wait for someone but they live's itself is being unappreciated. I still have strong believe that love is not impossible but our attitude keen to destroy everything that we'd builded.
Lastly, I would like to apologize if whatever I'd write here did hurt someone. My purpose in writing is just to share..I might not write it nicely but for me what most important is I honestly, genuinely, express my own opinion through this good way..writing.
Again, there is no intention to judge anyone, because me, myself is just an ordinary person, not a perfect one and I always open up for honest discussion.
Monday, July 19, 2010
So, here we go.......
We started our journey at 11 a.m..(hehehe..me and hubby had to sent the kids to my aunt's place..) leaving our car at Dee's house and sharing her cute myvi...5 of us and I have to squezzed myself in between hubby and Maxwell at the back seats..lucky me, my size got no problem with that..;)
About 1 and half hour driving..(boss drove us lel..;)) we stop at Niah rest stop at 12.30 pm. Shiny day, I can felt the sun was envied my skin..so he burnt it (a little..Dee did provided us with her sunscreen cream that she stored in her car). But I was grateful for the weather thou, for if it was raining, we might not be able to make it in time. A day trip..you better pray for the best....
Erks..I was not really a good photographer myself..hehehehe...blurr a bit but no worry, I still can see the beauty of the durians...;)
Yum seng again?..No? How to cheers with durian then? hahahaha....hantu durian..Dee and husband, our boss..cayalah..they were so sporting, possing with the durians...
hahahaha..believe me when I said this tokey nior is 'hantu durian'? She was soo.. happy with the durians...
What a sight....hungry la...;) everyone finished their meal..I tried to minimize my food intake thou and hubby was the victim..hehehe...apart from hubby that was only had a piece of the durian, the rest of the leftovers belong to 4 of us...
My favourite...100 Plus is a must after a hot sunny day and less water intake..this drink is a big help or I will get my mouth ulser immediately...thanx 100 plus..
Actually I have a better photos of them...hehhee..but I like the candid side of this one..hehehe..sorry Dee..no worry, you still look gorgeous no matter how candid the photos was....and that was our talented photographer, Johnny...my boss? as always..smile...;)
Again, we had to looked for a place...:P...our next stop was TV10 studio..a videographer for Dee's wedding anniversary dinner...
Okay..now that we've found TV10 studio, I can't wait to see Angela..she was so friendly and funny on the phone..and I kind of building a friendship with her after I'd lost count of how many times I needed to called her for the anniversary arrangement and she was totally nice and very patient with me..thanx amoi..;)
Here we are..at Angela's cozy office..can you see at the wall..they'd producing quite a numbers of video.
hehehehe...we got it...simple photo of us..love this crazy man..;)
now..we were at bintang Plaza..my dear friend need to go to Parkson, urgently..hahahaha....
the queue was never end..so I just urged hubby to queue with me and get the Mc D's 'chocolate toppy' for me..hehehe...
again...I forgot to take photos before we ate the whole beautiful, yummy seafood...huhuhu...we had crab, steamed fish (forgot the name), fried prawn with egg and vegi..(what vegi ha..)
Here we were...12.30, stretching out after 1 and a half hour crammed in the back seat of the cute myvi of Dee...I was so busy learning how to use the camera at first (it was Dee's) before we left from Bintulu, I didn't manage to take any photos...so, this is kind of the 1st photo taken ..hehehe..that was hubby, straightening his shirt..and as always, Mr. Ramli was so sporting with his smile...
Saturday, July 17, 2010
CORRUPTION-MALAYSIA: Video Clip Lands Top Judiciary in the Dock - IPS ipsnews.net
not that we can blame them when everyone needs to feed their own family..everyone just need to 'pinch' someone else just to survive.
Many of friends has shared teir opinion and none of them has agreed or can say anything positive towards this issue. Well, may be they are some people who will gain something from this but definitely not us, the people.
just to quote some one of the article by Malaysia Sensasi that was shared a friend with me..
Planned Subsidy Cut Draws Fire, Seen to Hurt the Poor
By Anil Netto
PENANG, Malaysia, June 8, 2010 (IPS) - The government’s proposal to remove and rationalise subsidies on essential goods and services continues to provoke a storm of criticism from ordinary Malaysians.
Idris Jala, who leads the government’s Performance and Management Delivery Unit (PEMANDU), has put it in stark terms: Malaysia will go bust in nine years if it does not slash subsidies and cut its government expenditure to curb spiraling debt.
- he (Idris Jala) said, 'if it does not slash subsidies and cuts its government expenditure TO curb spiralling debt. Well, 1st question is between the subsidies and government expenditures, they choosed the subsidies...
- why do we have such a huge debt? we are so rich in natural resources, we have oil & gas, we have logs, we have our own marine supply, we have our own rich land for agricultural sources, we have income from tourisme industry, we supply water to Singapore..pendek kata, we have almost everything that we need to be rich left alone to survive.
now let us check this part, also from the same reading..
"But many Malaysians blame the country's financial woes on the government, with the general response being, if the government really wants to save money on subsidies, it should first plug ‘leakages’ in government expenditure and curb rampant corruption. Billions have been poured into unproductive government projects with little to show, critics charge."
-arent they make sense? that is what i meant by they choosing to cut subsidies in change of government expenditures. why don't they do the paper work again and have a look at what they need to cut in their expenditure? say..less entertainment for the MPs? stop building the 'giant' government building just to show off the beautiful looks but inside they only used 1/3 of the spaces. let me remind you of the States Building in Kapit..and I was there before and I have been to each floor of the building and I positively can assure you that they only make use of the 60% of the space (to say the most).
- and the old buildings were left to rot without being utilised..if you a businessman, everytime you see this you will think..wow..what a waste, if it is mine, may be I can get millions from it by renting it out as business office..
"(If) they get rid of the subsidies, (there will be more) money for them to distribute to their goons!'" responded one frustrated Internet user, Bhaskaran, when asked by IPS.
-why does people have this image in their mind? because the opposition poisoned their mind? but from what I've seen, majority of the opposition or the people that become stronger in their voice in opposing the government policies is the people that we can consider as a highly educated people, professional in their jobs, energetic youngsters and college students. if these group of people insisting on objecting, they might be something to think about it...
Abang Benet in a commentary published recently by the social reform group ALIRAN. "But please ensure that the poor and the most marginalised groups continue receiving subsidies since they need it most. After all, why penalise the poor and the most marginalised for the subsidy excesses of the ruling coalition?"
- I am totally agreed with this statement "why penalise the poor and the most marginalised??
-it kind of, asking people to pay for their luxury (have you seen Khir Toyo's palace?), whereas the poor geeting poorest, supporting the rich, paying along the fuel for them..
-when I said, why don't they charged the Hilux, Bmw, Mercedez car owners the unsudsidised fuel but subsidised the small or cars? my husband asked me back..how they going to implementing that? well...the computer also very complicated but man can sort anything from it...we also have system for swiping credit cards..why can't we create a system that can lessen the burden of the lower income people?
PEMANDU set up a ‘Subsidy Rationalisation Lab’ in March to review all forms of subsidies with a view to trimming expenditure and curbing fiscal debt. On May 27 it held an ‘Open Day’ to obtain public feedback on a range of proposals, including plans to gradually remove petrol and gas subsidies, raise highway tolls, hike government hospital fees, and abolish some education subsidies.
- I tell you one thing, if they come to hospital fees, they are really really desperate already they might rob us openly on the street and what is the use of the poll anyway? they not gonna look at it la...
-education? who cares about our children's education when they can afford to send their kids to others country to get better education? In the while we struggling between 2 jobs to educated our kids and to feed our family...no saving for retirement counted for we definitely will never have enough money to save
During the public consultation, it was revealed that companies received 18 billion Malaysian ringgits (about 5.4 million U.S. dollars) out of total subsidies of 74 billion ringgits (22.2 million dollars) in 2009. In contrast, the poor received only 1.7 billion ringgits (511,813 dollars).
By holding out the prospect that their resource-rich country could go bankrupt by 2019, Idris, who is also a cabinet minister, aimed at convincing Malaysians that shock therapy was necessary. Subsidies would only lead to market distortion, draining the government of funds for more targeted development projects for the people, he said.
- again..the rich get the benefit and the poor get the free sympathy..what can we do? report? reporting to whom? to the group that get the 18 billion RM? I might be dreaming of it...
- what is the "targeted developenemt project"? building 2 billion RM private school and only the rich kids can study there? giving more allowance to teaching stuffs but cut off the student food supply?
- talking about development project...Sibujaya, they builded the new house and sale it at 100k for an unit but it is still the same size, the same design (only change the room direction) and the same height, with the same material..and previously the house there only cost 40-70k for each unit..talking about middle cost and lower cost housing.
- Durin bridge which I always remember and asking some people..only builded with one side of the bridge..it was supposed to have 2 side bridge with 2 lane in each side but now, you can go there and see for yourself how funny is the look when the new road from Sibu builded in 2 way (with 2 lane each way) but suddenly narrowed to the only 1 side of the bridge..
"That is the wrong approach towards managing a country where there are lot of poor people and a high disparity in income between the rich and poor," said Santiago.
But Idris argued that subsidies would be more targeted to the very poor instead of a blanket subsidy for all. "We will continue to spend to provide subsidies on education such as scholarships, text book assistance, food, etc.,’’ the local media reported him as saying.
- i am not buying any of the thing that this Idris Jala said because i know very well, it is easy to say than do it..how he going to do it? how he going to target the poor? will he come down to every corner of malaysia or Sarwak particularly and hand it personally? or he will pass it to his people, and his peopla will 'bite' a bit the pass to others and this 'others' will 'bite' abit too? and at the end what left is really the leftover? is that what he meant?
- but still I can see, student with both parents are teachers (with income of 2-3k a month each of them)still can have their free textbooks ..you tell me how this can reach the so called "target"?
A Chinese-language newspaper, ‘Nanyang Siang Pau’, cited in the English-language ‘The Sun’, has predicted that the reduction of subsidies would lead to a 20 percent increase in the living expenses of the average household within three years.
"If you think about it, it is the companies who receive the most in subsidies, which include not just the direct subsidies, but also cheap land, soft loans, bailouts using public funds, and other incentives," Santiago added.
- yess...you are absolutely right sir..increase in the living expenses..didn't anyone in our PM office think about this or they are just plain stupid too? that is what we meant by burdening the poor, the poor become poorer..how are we going to have our own house when all we did for the rest of our life is working our ass out just to get enough food???
- then ...who is this company's owner then? who has interests in this so called companies that buying cheap land, who is that, that need to pay bail outs everytime their development project failed?
Faced with a barrage of negative feedback, Prime Minister Najib announced on Tuesday the government had not made a final decision on whether subsidies should be scrapped or cut and it was still carefully studying its next move.
- i really don't understand what did he think when he made the decision then? the damaged is done, the faith has gone...but i bet he really think of srapped it forever..definitely not for the good of the people..that I am very sure of it. but the tactic always worked thou..promised to correct the wrong but when people were calm..they just forget about it..isn't that clever..
be sure to check more on this issue as at below;
i only managed to comment on this only article for the moment..but i really appreciate any sharing or feedback on this. sometimes when we share we can shed more light on the thing.
again, i just can help it but feeling frusted by our leader for their selfishness..why there is no one that is really can be a leader and serve the people not because of the money that they can get from it but because they are just a good man?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
hubby, Mr Ramli, Mdm Cindy and me..(hehehe..chubby me..) the mini dress is last minute picked..the dress that I supposed to wear can't fit anymore..huhuhu..
Mdm Cindy and me found each others after almost 15 yrs through facebook and she quickly offered me to work with DCSB and here I am .... trying my very best to keep everything going beautifully for my friend..;)
13 years is a very long time...I still remember when Cindy said, " what a years to go through..." she wasn't kidding there thou..even for myself, 5 years of marriage is something that I always being proud of..
Back to the grant event, the food enormous and the guests were just fabulous..no need for me to mentioned the celebrated couple la..they were so handsome in their pairing suit and dress..and what attracted us most is the chemistry between them..
with friends and collegues (our table was specially for 'commitees' as Cik Wan Marlina the sales and marketing executive from Everly said..)
the happy family photo..13 years..blessed with 3 princes. the boys also very supporting during the event
the couple is preparing for toasting..funny, our MC managed to lead us with the 'yam senngggg' ritual..;)
our very own VVIP, DEEP Construction Managing Director, Mr. Moslem Khorram, Mr Hossein Dehkhodaei & his beautiful wife (Mr Hossein look so glamour in his suit..hehehe..;)
Mr. & Mrs Ramli with 'couple of the night' winner, Mr. & Mrs. Awang Bolhassan (General Manager of Bintulu Golf Club)
this is my favourite photo of all...hehehe..right angle..with Cikgu Daud, our former teacher from SMK Jalan Oya