Monday, September 27, 2010


Hola!! Its been ages since my last entry..I think..;)) A good day today, bright shiny day. Hot? Of course but rain we also complain what..

Lately I just talked and debated inside my head. When I tried to ‘paint’ the thought out, the inspiration was just not there. So, I loosen up, didn’t want to push my lovely ‘brain’ too much, I just entertained myself by thinking quietly. Like always, observing and trying to look just outside the ‘normal range’. If only this keyboard can be moved just by thinking of each of the it comes to lazy level I guess..:))

Until last week, someone share one writing from an Iban female writer, Christina S. Suntai from Sebuyau with me in my facebook’s wall, and I was so intrigued by what she wrote. Not because she is really good (but then, her writing is good ) in it but mostly because she was right from the first words until the last one that she wrote. What did she write about? Again, something that I always like to talked about too, about my own people and the political situation in where we have been since ages ago. Why do I like to talk about politic then? Because nowadays, everything involving politics.

i.e Sibu in flood, blame the politician like he can hold the water from going beyond the river bank. Or am I wrong? But that was what I heard last month when Sibu town and the area next to it was in flood. **shrugging my shoulder**

In an office, people also practise their own politic. Some, even think they are so superior to show off their so called power and played their dirty trick very well to get to where they want to be..erks..that is politic. Like always..dirty!!

Okay, I just want to continue a little bit on Christina writing. She wrote in her first three para;

“The Iban community cannot afford to abandon the BN in the coming state election. To do so will mean they will suffer and be left behind, warned state assemblyman Snowdan Lawan.”

“In order words, if we decided to support the opposition parties, the likes of Snowdan Lawan will lost their positions and prestigious title of Yang Berhormats or Menteris. “

“Is it not our basic rights to have an informed decision before we vote for anyone? The politic of intimidation and division of your father’s time, Donald Lawan is over! This is the 21st Century. You are dealing with highly informed and educated Dayaks.”

Well, she is correct..absolutely correct!! She can talk about it very well because she is in the situation and I know very well too because I am (and a lot more of Ibans too) in the situation also. I am not surprise in everything she said.

These politic people have been from the beginning of the century if anyone can recall, have tried their very best to scared off our old folks in our village or long house by their warning that we will be suffer of will be left behind if we do not choose their party in every coming election but aren’t we suffering now? My long house in Lubok Tugong, in Batang Oya, under Dalat district and Sibu division, until now, I am 30 years old and have three kids already, has no clean water supply and electricity too. We still travel by long boat from Stapang or Nanga Tajam, you choose from where you want to depart, it still will get you ‘sunburn’.

So, on what ground do they think they have any right to tell us on who should we vote or choose to represent us?

Because they gave the long house folks the ‘atap projek’? Or the ‘enjin api’ projek? Or any other ‘wang ehsan’ (they like to give ‘ehsan’)? I am not very much upset by other politicians more than I am with my own people politician or representative. They are my own people but for me, they did nothing for their own people. BUT (again) why do they still can be our representative? That is the one million $ question. Why we still want to hire (the people hire him okay..)him if we got nothing from his service then? How long do we need to wait to see his capability? Another 20 years?

One thing I really don’t understand thou, every time when it come to the election, youngsters ‘shouting’ out loud in the cyber space against this incompetent leaders and we thought that this time, it will change but still, after that, we are back to the square ones when these leaders still there. So, what is wrong? If we want to change, we are the only one who can make the changes.

Now, let’s take it into action this time. If you think that ‘uncle’ will step down willingly, then there must be something wrong with your eyes. We just have enough of him. We do not reject the party but the person, but if the party insisting in keeping him in service, then the party will lose their support. That I am very sure of. We do not hate him out of nothing, we just want changes. It’s nothing personal really..we just need some ‘fresh air’. Enough is just enough. If he is really good, we don’t mind having him longer but still, he had done just too little especially for my own people, Iban. Like what someone said to me last few days, “to get him down his ‘throne’, there is only one way. That is, to change the whole administrator.”

I am sorry, personally, I do respect this ‘uncle’ but please la…people just need new and fresh idea. Why doesn’t he just retire with honor than stubbornly insisting on stay and at the end will bring his party down with him? Why he doesn’t want to give chances to the people that he said he love so much? To the country that he serve so long? For me, to love means to let go too.

When I asked some people on who they place their hope to lead this state in case the opposition does win the next coming election, one name come out frequently and I understand why do this people thinks he can do it (to lead) because he does appear to be competent in doing so in few of the circumstances.

What Christina wrote about the hospital service in Kuching was true to my own experience also (in other district and division) but I rather not talk about government service for the time being because one time ago, someone that I love and mean so much to me has been the victim when I wrote daringly about their system’s lousiness. That is what I meant by office politic just now. These people so mean they will hurt people around you if you speak of their weaknesses. Of course that was unfair but they only care of using their power to maintain their position and to go against anyone that is dare enough to speak about their incompetency. BUT one thing for sure, these people will be very hard to change or improve because they can’t accept others critics. And this kind of people also can’t be counted on to be a community leader because they definitely will be the selfish leader, like most of our leaders nowadays. They will be bound by their own arrogance.

So, lets us all make changes into our own future and our children’s future. Nothing illegal in doing so, so don’t worry. No one can sue you for voting for the opposition. We are not the communist country here.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Just A Wandering Mind

Canada's Next Top Model Cycle 1 Top 10

Just don’t know why I am so full of spirit today. Back from the office I watched the last episode of Canada’s Next Top Model Season 1 and my favorite contestant, the geek Andrea won as the first Canada’s Next Top Model. Who would ever thought of it? I saw the show from the first episode and when I saw her for the first time, she was only an ordinary tomboy like girl come from nowhere, I even forget her hometown. And my first impression of her was, “Oww..this girl is a bookworm..don’t think she can survive the third week la..” and even she herself said that in the first week, she missed her parent terribly and cried, telling that her parent was going to Africa and she will be very far from them. She really looked like a ten years old girl to me at that time. And she even mentioned that she didn’t mind if she was out in the first week. She was so lack of confidence and her body was stiffed in her first photo shot. She was a naïve little girl compared to others that really confidence that they were the winner from the beginning such as Brandi that only managed to stay until the last four. And she had trouble in accepting the judges decision in expelling her. Poor girl…

Ordinary Andrea

The judges really had trouble in choosing between Andrea and Alanna, a prettier girl if compared to Andrea but after six weeks of the contest, my favorite was always Andrea or Sisi the Asian girl that was full of energy and funny. I was always frustrated over my favorite not chosen as winner from the others Next Top Model show such as America and especially Australia’s one which I thought the judges was biased in choosing the winner. But this time I am so happy with whom they chose. Not that Alanna was not pretty but I looked more into their effort and transformation or progress during the whole time they were coached and guided to be a model.

Allana Shelast - 2nd place

For me, Andrea, as naïve as she was, was a determine girl, hardworking and most importantly, she was so humble and never thought of herself as a winner until the final 3 weeks. And she was so innocent in her look but when she was in front of the camera she is a grown woman. Who ever thought that naïve look little girl can look so sexy in her photograph? And that tomboy attitude all vanished in a flick of second.

Sisi Wang - 3rd place

I remembered she confessed that she purchased all her clothes and things from ‘GOODWILL’ and “The Salvation Army” a place where people can get things such as clothes in a very cheap price or sometimes were used items. She was laughed by others contestants on her appearance and in one episode I think when they were just left only four of them, Brandi and Alanna back talking and laughed at her outfit and Andrea cut the sleeves of her few dollars sweaters and made it her socks and she called her mom and said, it looked like a hundred bucks outfit. Then she said to the ‘diary camera’ that she didn’t care of what the other girls thought of it but I know, deep in her heart, she was hurt by Brandi and Alanna’s attitude. And I hate Brandi for that. She was just a pretty face with ugly heart. Then, every time I saw her (Brandi), I saw a very ugly girl.

Brandi - 4th place

This is a girl that people will remembered as nobody when she was first appeared on the screen but she learned from her mistake. Because of her lack of confidence and self cautiousness she used to talked back to Stacey (the runway coach and a top model too) in the middle of Stacey’s sentence and she was complained by Stacey on that and she cried and said that she did it because she wanted people to think that she know what they were trying to tell her or wanted her to do. I admired this girl for her innocence and willingness to adapt. It was not easy to be put in the middle of another nine girls that were prettier and more confidence than her and tried very hard to be seen amongst them.

In few of the episode I can saw that Brandi was a favorite and she won few of their contest. But I think the judges just didn’t like her comment on Sisi and said that Sisi wasn’t supposed and did not deserved to win because she wasn’t even born as Canadian. That count as a racist comment to me and maybe the judges thought so. And like Stacey said, she drinks. Well, who wants that kind of girl to represent their fashion product?

Seems like these girls tend to forget that they were supposed to be a presenter to the fashion designer or magazine. They always and sometimes most of the times forgot to care for their attitude in being so. If I am a designer, I would never want a negative attitude model to modeled my designs. That is how they should think but of course, most of them were just teenagers that was so excited with the prospects of being famous.

But I would like to quote Andrea as saying “I really want to win it. I’ve never had been respected before and I like it when someone said that I am beautiful and I just don’t want it to end. I just want to tell everyone that I’d made it and I am number one” Something like that and my heart goes for her. Really I myself have been in her place some other times before…not in a modeling reality show la..never even imagining it..hahaha…lucky me born as an ugly one. What I meant is that I used to be a girl with low self cautiousness and confidence during my teenage era..and sometimes now I still felt that way. It always amazed me how some women so cautious of their beauty and being proud of showing it off and can say openly that they think themselves as pretty or beautiful. Me? guts still not allowed me to say so..but I’d say myself pretty through my jokes, yes..;))

I have my own way in encouraging and motivating myself. By my writing and quotes and sharing it with others. By becoming a good listener and believing in hard work through hardness, I will do it. And most importantly, I have faith in God. I always a believer even if I am not a church goer. I believe in doing good deeds and speak out my mind in transparent manner and try to encourage others by sharing my own experience (that was not much of course). I always on for others opinion and always like to see things at different angle so I will get more understanding on the subject. And karma play an important role in my daily life. “What goes around will comes around” Justin said in his sexy song. Ooppss..I talk a lot of myself already..sorry guys.

Well, I just want to tell all the girls out there, physical beauty is nothing without inner beauty. From my own experience, first of course we will normally judged someone from their look, because that is what we first see right? People’s face..then we will check the apt of their attitude. But believe me, a pretty face comes with bad manner = ugly look. Try it if you don’t believe it. Meanwhile, ugly or not so pretty face + positive attitude + good manner = beautiful.

Another thing that will make a girl look ugly is when she keep on telling people that she is beautiful, or sexy and try to make others to response (praise them of course) to be alert of it and even agree with them.

Let’s add another factor that lead to an ugly look. A girl that always want others (men especially) to see their ‘inside of the T-shirt bare skin’. Erks..come on la..don’t they have any other X factor other than their physical body?

When I was at school, I used to think that pretty girl were just ‘mean’. I knew some group of female students who were popular and honestly, I always felt undermined by them. And they even ‘meaner’ by using their popularity to made others felt small. Well, it wasn’t all their fault thou to be born pretty and attention ‘attracter’ (got that word ka..). So being a competitor myself, I had to find another way to be as outstanding as them. And that way was, to be among the top grader and excel in everything I can. Heehehe.. I managed to accomplished some of the ‘mission impossible’ but rather not say it here la..or you might say that I am too proud of myself but that’s true what..I am proud of myself. Just remember not to be arrogant with the pride, that is enough. I can write (sometimes a very good output), I can handle public speaking, I can play netball (even if I am just 5 feet tall or short..), I play chess, carom, I can write poem sometimes if I can focused my mind on it..hehehe..and now I can cook la…) Pity me ya..have to worked myself harder than those pretty girls just to prove myself that I am somebody (for me myself la..) and happy with it.

What makes me wonder is, I did meet many female friends that are wonderful and very productive on their own way, without the help of their look. Who said not so pretty women can’t make it then? But I had knew one very beautiful student during my school time that really didn’t make it and I felt sorry for her because I know, it must be hard for her. I’m not sure now whether she had that syndrome (can’t recall the name) that unable someone to see clearly and steadily any letters resulted in a poor reading and studying. Because from what other students gossip, she barely can’t read but she was damn beautiful.

Now, hold it for a sec. I don’t want to be critical or unfair here. There are a lot of pretty women that really excel in what they doing and in reverse, they were numbers of ugly women that really can’t make it in their life. And I am not against anyone here, just to let all of girls and women out there know that, no matter how you look, how tall you are, how thin or fat you are, you can make it if you want too. Everyone have their own X factor and it doesn’t have to be a pretty face. Once you recognized the X factor, ‘sell’ it. I mean ‘sell’ in a good way ya..i.e if you can speak well plus good positive and high motivated attitude, be a sales person or marketing officer. If you can’t speak well but your hand so good in doing creative things, be a designer. You don’t have to talk much then.

As for me, I like to talk in my head until it felt like it’s going to explode sometimes, and I love the art of arranging words (if you know what I mean), so here I am blogging for us all to mess our head with my writing. Of course some might not agree with what I write but that is what I call nature balance..there will always be pro and contra in everything or our world will ‘senget’ (tilted). Just imagine that, in my writing I can say that the world can be tilted..hahaha….But hey..that is why I like to write too because I can explore my own creative imagination. Crazy Jessy…

Oh… by the way, the group of the famous pretty female student that I mentioned before, I’ve never heard of their where about now. I wish to know what had happened to them and changing news after this whole millions years. Huh..feel so old already ha..

Until next time..adios and may God bless..


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Some Other Things About Merdeka

Last 31 August 2010 was our country independence day. All Malaysian rejoice the moment and being grateful for what we have today. That day I was just staying at home with hubby and the kids and I watched this one documentary special for Merdeka Day in History Channel, "THE MALAYAN EMERGENCY" or translated to Bahasa Malaysia, "DARURAT DI MALAYA". It was a documentary of pre independence telling all the story of how Malaysia was few years back before the independence.

It really did attract my attention because most of the fact and info that they documented in it, I didn’t learn it in my school time. Our history subject regarding this event was very limited.

What I still remember in the history subject that I’d learned was that Malaysia independence was achieved by Malaysian, by our own people mostly. We used to hear that our generation is very proud of our ancestor for bringing our country their independence. Only few names that mentioned in the scene was from outside or other country. How we proud of our 1st Prime Minister Tunku Abdul Rahman for being the person that made our people dream came true to have our own free country. And I am proud too..;))

Well, I just like to see things at the other side of the view. Because for me, by doing so, I can get more knowledge because our life is such a huge dimension and it is a loss to anyone who refused to see things other than what we already knew of. And by peeking at the other side of the box also, I can understand and embrace the difference and sometimes it is just surprise me of how things are just not as what we usually think it is.

Okay, back to the issue “The Malayan Emergency”.

It was only few years before our independent, when our great grandfather was fighting the communism in Malaysia and struggling to survive in the era that was full of tragedy and history.

I was amazed of how British really tried very hard to help us to get our independent by fighting the communist, by that time was lead by the infamous Chin Pei. At first place this communist was stated that they fight was to forcing out all the British estate runner or owner from Malaya because they thought that these British was manipulated and stealing all the rich sources of our country and fed their people in Britain with that (but of course they we existed earlier from the Japanese era with objective to fight the Japanese). Well, I do think that they have a point there despite the fact that only when the British came then we (the Malayan at that time) started to learned all the knowledge and skills in running and operating the estate and all the rich mine. BUT the problem was, when the British came, we were just ‘kuli’ at ‘our own’ estate, farm and mines. And we were not happy with it of course, so there came the communist (what they said la..) to hurled out every single British from our land.

And then these communist, Chin Pei communists became more and more out of control. They started to showed their seriousness by hurting and killing anyone (the Malayan mostly) that they thought as traitor when these people were just trying to survived by working with the estate owner, the British.

Honestly, during my school time, I always imagined that communist was Chinese but then when I watched this documentary and heard all the statement from the ex-commnunist themselves, a lot also are Malays and they were very determine and brave. And I think their leader, Chin Pei was also very intelligent, with his plan in stressing the locals and used them to provide for the communist their supply of food to survive in the jungle.
But then, their action made the people suffered as well. They succeed in killing one of the British commissioner, Sir Henry Gurney but the British never gave up on Malaya. They knew, if they need to let go of Malaya, they need to make sure that Malaya is really can stand on its’ own foot then only they can maintained the rich sources from Malaya. But one thing I really salute this British, they did not torture or killing all the communists as free as they could but they gave rewards and forgiveness to any of the communists that surrender themselves. I called it a ‘war psycho’ even the British didn’t call it a war (it was undeclared war) but ‘emergency’ (darurat) so that all the estate runner or owner can claim the insurance for the damages done to their property due to this ‘emergency’ (insurance wouldn’t cover damages caused by war).

After the death of Sir Henry gurney, they sent another commissioner, an ex-combat in the WWII. For me, he was the mastermind behind all the success in fighting against the communism. He is Sir Gerald Templer.

Do not forget all the troops that were sent from other country in helping Malaya to eased this communism problem. People were suffering. Chinese were moved to a camp to isolate them from these communist so they will not have any supply to live in the jungle. Kids were killed just because they were thought to be an informer to the British. For a minute, I thank God for not living in this era. And being grateful for what I have now.

These communist were just so clever. To take note that Chin Pei was trained by the British intelligent himself before he lead The Malayan Communist Party.

Sir Gerald Templer for me was the smartest when he reversed all the communist techniques by doing all the opposite. When Chin Pei tried to use force to get support from the Chinese farmer, Sir Gerald Templer won the hearts of the people by listening and talking to them and tried to lessen their fear. He recruited more battalions that were joined by Chinese and they have to defeat their own people in jungle (for most communist were Chinese).

In another way, this strategy has brought all the different ethnic group and races of people together. And Sir Gerald Templer has managed to get the Sultans in Malaya to agree to give all the Chinese and Indian their citizenship, the most valuable status for them at that time.

Army from others Commonwealth country such as Australia and New Zealand also involved themselves (apart from British army themselves) in the undeclared war against the communism so that Malaya can get its’ independent that was promised by British long before.

Bukit Kepong incident showed the spirit of the people to defeat the communists. Policemen, their wives and kids were killed and burned during the incident.

The British still hasn’t give up. Along with the local forces team, they plan their tactical and bribed the members of the communist to surrender their high rank officer and it’s worked!! The member of the MCP were exhausted and some were just more than willing to returned to their normal life and betrayed their own leaders by surrendering their information and arms.

Chin Pei last plan was to tackle the Orang Asli and using their skills to survive in the deep jungle during their last straw to hide themselves from the army. And once again , Sir Gerald Templer succeeded in cutting off their (the communist) link with the Orang Asli and in doing so, he provided education to them. I really like this fact the most.

And at the end, the MCP was just had it enough. They broke their people into smaller unit in the jungle and many got out from the jungle and surrender themselves. They were out of food supply and tired. Their brilliant leader vanished to the South of Thailand.

And not long after, British declared Malaya as independent country with their own king or Sultans and ministered their own government and people and managed their own sources.

For me, one thing that I’d learned is that, we gain our independent by the help of others. So please do not put our pride too high on ourselves and claim that others are not valuable to us. We might still fighting the MCP without their helping hands. Let us start respecting others and do not forget, one country does not made by one man. Just stop being arrogant and think of others races or ethnics sensitivity also. If there is any issue in our own community, try to look out for the incompetence and improve instead of aggressively defended ourselves and pointing fingers because problem does not solve that way and we can’t claim ourselves as educated if we refuse to accept others critics and refuse to make things better and become self centred.


Last but never least, Happy Merdeka day to all Malaysian. We are the most unique country in the world for we are made of more than one ethnic group and races. Do not hate one another just because they speak the different language or have the different skin colour. God made us different so who are we to deny others existent?