women & abuse ....

that is what a friend share with me in my facebook this afternoon..well a subject that always make me talk a lot and a lot more...may be some of my friends already aware that i am one of those that always speak out loud regarding this issue..why? because so many women in our country here, still blindfolded to this issue and live with the reality being abused by their spouse @ husband....

now honey, we start with what is that? a common kindergarden question...hmmm..what does abuse mean?

check out all these sign in your partner (i know most will deny & make excuses for their partner);

(i) jealousy and possessiveness

(ii) controlling behaviour

(iii)verbal abuse

(iv)threats to harm you and anyone or anything that you love

(V)isolations from friends and family

so..anyone surprise by the answer?

just a Yes and No answers..did your partner have any of these behaviour? two would be enough to confirm...trust me..

now..for what i've seen and observed all this time, many women just ignored the fact that they were an abused victim ....i've seen so many of this women surrendered to these abusive behaviour without any knowledge that it is wrong! really really wrong...just because you were not hurt physically by your partner, it doesn't mean that it's okay to endured all of those silent and cold acts towards you...that's called abuse too honey....

to stand all the humiliation and cynic comment just to make you felt bad about yourself....to weaken your spirit so that you will not believe in your own ability to stand for what you believe...

any comment or acts that make you believe you were at fault in everything..they were all classified as abusal acts...

now, let us check those signs one by one...

(i)jealousy and possessiveness

~your partner will get enraged by other guy that smile to you on the streets or when you had lunch with your male coleague (and he kept on calling or texting you every 5 minutes to know whether you were finished your lunch or just to know your whereabout) and normally this will embarassed you and made your friends felt uneasy..

(ii)controlling behaviour

~when everything you did, you need to get his approval, he will poked his nose in everything you did, everyone you were out with or event in what you were wearing...you will felt like you'd betrayed him if you just ignored his remarks and went ahead with you own way...you will need to asked him in anything you plan or doing..if he said no, that was finaled..he will make you felt so helpless and so deep in guilt without his approval

(iii)verbal abuse

~your partner was so good in weaken your spirit..he will condemn anything you do that doesn't suit his need...he will crippled you with his language, killing your self esteem with his comment...in time you will believe that you are just as useless and weak as he said you were, this is not necessary in form of violent acts but this verbal abuse will kill you inside..slowly until you submit to his need only..sound scary huh...

(iv)threats to harm you and everyone or everything that you love

~this abuser will threaten you in any way that will make you feel insecure..so you will stay with him just that he won't hurting anyone that you love and he will want to be in-charge of your life and by threatening you, he can get you to say yes to anything he wanted..

(v)isolation from friends and family

~he never can fitted into your family, he wouldn't be happy with your friends...whenever you talk about getting together with your friends or family, he will get you a task that will restrained you from doing so...he will make you feel bad if you wanted to help any family or friends of you..he will always think bad of your family members intention and try to get you as far as you can from everyone that you felt at ease with....remember..you are more helpless if you are alone without any support..

now my ladies...what do you think of all these? still got any excuse for him?

you might not realise all these until now...do you? many women may be in a potentially abusive relationship and might not even know it...hmmm..another surprise..and when you know it..it's too late....

it's not new though for i am very sure that women are so good in denying and making excuses for their abuser...

another question is just this..why is that? are they so in need of that relationship? are they so in love with the man? or are they just love to be succumbed to this abuser....

but i did see some of this victim kind of like the idea of being loyal and good wife by agreeing to all the abusive treatment towards them...some did complaint and talked to others but still they can't get out or just never think of getting out of that situation...why is that?

-feeling scared of their abuser?

-feeling afraid of the idea in begin a new life alone?

-feeling insecure and don't trust anyone to give them any hand?

-or they really have no other place to turn to?

well i do think we should looked back to how the system can give any hope to all those victims that have courage to freed themselves;

(i)in Malaysia we have Jabatan Kebajikan and the court (judicial system) and the police department (the authority we call them).

(ii) to get protective order from the court the victim have to make police report and give a copy to jabatan kebajikan (you might want to prepare yourself of how this people that is going to handle your report will response to your situation)

-i've heard that a woman made police report against her threatening husband..and some laughed at her face....

(iii)only after Jabatan Kebajikan get the copy of report then they will help in getting the protective order from the judge..i'm not quite sure of the how the enforcement going to work here or whether its does work..but i will get this info (for my own knowledge if not for helping others)

still... the only one that can help those in this situation is themselves..no more denying, no more excuses for your abusive partner..;

no more..he is nice most of the time only when he......its actually my fault, i shouldn't do it knowing he didn't like @ approved of it..bla..bla..bla..

these men so clever and charming..they will pampered you with gifts and sweet words to bribe you...(it's not guilty or apologize)

verbal abuse is the earlier signs...when you make yourself used to this, the violent act will come at the later and for some it was too late and it can get you and your loved ones killed..anyone wanted to have more i can share with their one link that telling an experience of a woman that for us..she had done everything that was right to set herself and her family free from her abuser but still in the end..it claimed her teenage daughter's life...you don't want this to happen to you..i guarantee that...

untuk semua wanita di luar sana..sekiranya pasangan anda cemburu yang keterlaluan, mengongkong, di mana setiap apa yang anda lakukan, atau dengan siapa anda bergaul haruslah dipersetujui olehnya..maka itu adalah tanda tanda awal penderaan terhadap anda..sekiranya pasangan anda berkasar dengan anda (walau tidak meninggalkan tanda atau kecederaan), jangan lah membuat alasan untuk tindakan dia kerana sekiranya anda membenarkan ia berlaku untuk pertama kalinya, maka bagi pembuli, ia adalah tanda anda sanggup menerima penangan yang kedua dan seterusnya...anda fikir mereka ini sayang kepada anda? mungkin anda perlukan kamus yang lebih baik untuk definisi kasih sayang untuk anda..

ramai wanita di negara kita masih agak jahil tentang perkara ini..mungkin sebab yang terbesar adalah mereka menganggap tindakan mereka menerima penghinaan sebegitu rupa terhadap diri mereka adalah atas dasar kesetiaan dan keinginan untuk menjadi seorang isteri yang baik..mungkin anda harus berfikir, anda hanya punya satu nyawa dan tindakan untuk mendiamkan diri dan menerima segala perbuatan penderaan ini umpama membunuh diri dan anak anak anda...jangan letakkan diri anda di tempat yang terendah dengan menerima layanan buruk dan kata kata yang melemahkan semangat anda...

anak yang melihat ibunya didera oleh insan bergelar bapa juga akan mengalami kerosakan jiwa yang teruk..mereka akan tergugat dari segi keyakinan diri dan keupayaan mereka untuk bersosial juga akan terjejas..

jadi sekiranya anda tidak sayang dengan diri anda sendiri, mungkin sudah tiba saatnya anda mula fikirkan tentang orang yang sayang dan ambil berat tentang diri anda....

beritahu dan minta bantuan dari rakan rakan mungkin adalah langkah permulaan yang bagus dan bijak...sekiranya rakan yang anda minta bantuan ini tidak sanggup untuk membantu atas alasan tidak mahu terlibat, maka mereka bukanlah rakan yang sepatutnya untuk anda...

hubungi saya sekiranya anda keseorangan dalam perkara ini..mungkin tidak banyak yang saya mampu lakukan tetapi saya rasa banyak rakan rakan saya di luar sana yang saya kenali akan sanggup untuk menghulurkan bantuan...

~~remember my friends...you responsible for how the others treated you....~~

beauty @ cantik

wednesday 9.10pm

this evening i have done some poll finding at my facebook wall there about beauty @ in Bahasa Malaysia we say 'cantik'...

and the opinions are quite interesting if not much because people don't want to talk about serious things in their FB (from what i've seen). most people just like to having fun and when you ask ed about their opinion, somehow it kind of a burden to them..well i better satisfied with that less than 10 opinion collections..but i do appreciate these people who had share their view..thanx..


this is what we got ;


almost 90% (all women) stating that beauty for them represent inner beauty..meaning..kind hearted, nice behaviour etc...

one of my male friend said..of course what we first saw is the outlook..meaning the pretty face la..

one said..inner beauty is the most important..never judge the book by it's cover...


so...i just simplified that most people think that beautiful for them comes with kind heart, positive attitude towards others..simple..

well..to be honest? for me..may be 10% (or less) of us will try to check the background or the attitude of someone that we first saw before we decided that we are interested to know them more ..rite? especially in courtship law...its normal if we judge the book by its cover..it happen many times to me..even if i want to purchase a real book..heheh..i did check the cover illustration first, except for danielle steele and sidney shieldon books..they are everything i looked for in any book i wanted to read...


most boys will attracted to the outlook of the gals before they started sending you mails or call...only after that they can decide if the gals is nice enough...to be their girlfriend..and the girls knowing this will dress nicely, put on some make up to show off to the boys...plus the giggle..its works..;)

but for me...in my eyes..beautiful girls only looked beautiful if they can get my attention for what they said, how they reacted with people around them...it's come to smart or intelligent...a beauty queen wouldn't impressed me much until they passed the interview sect...cruel?..but that is what interest me...

in other way beauty does come with age..we called every child we see beautiful because of their innocence look, we found that teenagers look beautiful because of their energy and when we are over 30 and on our way into 40 years old, we feel beautiful because we have peace in ourselves, reality in having a stable career and happy family i guess...this is the time we feel more confident as we don't really need others opinion about our life and what we are doing..maturity and motherly looks always worked in amazed me..

special case such as Ziana Zain and Amy Mastura, our own mother and actress..they look so beautiful after having few kids and when the age increase..same thing with Hollywod mother too...Nicole Kidman look amazingly beautiful after given birth to her daughter Sunday Rose...

of course you might say that is because they have money to maintain they beauty..well may be that is one of the reason but really i've seen few of my friends, when they are happy with their family and marriage it did reflect on their skin and they looked just beautiful...

when people around you or close enough to you appreciate you as you are, you will tend to feel confident in carrying yourself gracefully...some women are not that beautiful as we call it but they are so smart and confident in presenting themselves to others..contras to some women that is kind of loud, confident with themselves but people might have smirk on their face because of the negative way they carrying their attitude in a social community...

i used to heard some friends said; too bad the attitude covered the beauty face..well, it did mean something right?

so my dear friends..its true i think that inner beauty is the main factor..want to look good, be smart..want to look graceful, be nice and sincere to others around you..want to FEEL beautiful, make peace with yourself...;)


sharon stone..the sexy, hot actress of Hollywood got her 1st place in my list of beauty..at the age of 15 she received scholarship and graduate from Edinboro Unversity fron Pennsylvania in writing and fine arts, a MENSA member and her IQ is 154..what more a woman want..;) the look? do i need to comment?

voices..

good morning...this is my second blog for open discussion. and i really want to write in english but i know my english is not that good too. thanks to some friends that willing to help, suggesting few bloggers to follow..like i always said, i always interested in learning new things and people. may be for some, blogging is an old idea but for me, i am a baby...even to change the layout took me 3 days already and still i can't get the new outlook that i really felt in love with in the web. so frustrating..but somehow, i think i will manage because mind you, i am the one that never ever going to give up in anything..well almost anything because i also don't like to wasting my time in something that i know from the start would not worth it to try too hard..

i read about the most famous blogger from singapore last few days in The Star and i tried to had a peek into her blog..wow..really this lady got my attention..not to mention the look..chinese with blonde hair but mostly of course, I attracted to her writing..the blog is so girly in style but for me what I like most is the way she is being so bold in her blog and honest too..

I read about the cab driver story and what she wrote strucked me..yes..she was 110% rite..if it someone that we know or someone that we thought is interesting enough for us to have our attention asking us that question, I think we will never think that way (she thought the 50 yrs old something cab driver was trying to flirt when he asked about her blonde hair) or maybe we will love the attention..rite?

i did go through kenny sia's blog, from kuching. well..i really admire the energy despite the 'tame' (like he said) effort. very interesting though for I always think that the same sensitivity sometimes does slow us down..especially those ambitious youngsters with energetic opinion and ideas..our government is democracy but still in term of voicing out our ideas, we feel a bit strained..

in a way kenny's blog is very fresh in his presentation..good for young active mind..the ads for his gym..for me is quite fun but sorry for him too it was rejected by our local newspaper..well you can post your ads here kenny..anytime..for free..

I always into anyone with bright ideas and strong voice..because for me, this is how it should be..voice out and heard out..then its up to the audience..of course in our country we have to get our mouth 'insured' or else you can't afford the legal cost..

those that afraid of these strong voices in my opinion are those that afraid to let go of the past..the chauvinism type of people that think they always rite and is not to be corrected by anyone..you think..this will bring us a step in the front or a step back?

then there are some people that is so aggressive in their response towards any comment..people that think they are so powerful & untouchable..you say something bout them..you will see them in the news tonight, picketing against you and what you said and a stack of police reports will be made against you..so back to the square..what democracy?

I think I better stop now or else I end up putting my name on the banner in their picket..;) mind my grammar my friends and any suggestion, my arm is wide open for you.. any helping hand for me in my learning process for blogging will very much appreciated..see you guys..