that is what a friend share with me in my facebook this afternoon..well a subject that always make me talk a lot and a lot more...may be some of my friends already aware that i am one of those that always speak out loud regarding this issue..why? because so many women in our country here, still blindfolded to this issue and live with the reality being abused by their spouse @ husband....
now honey, we start with what is that? a common kindergarden question...hmmm..what does abuse mean?
check out all these sign in your partner (i know most will deny & make excuses for their partner);
(i) jealousy and possessiveness
so..anyone surprise by the answer?
just a Yes and No answers..did your partner have any of these behaviour? two would be enough to confirm...trust me..
now..for what i've seen and observed all this time, many women just ignored the fact that they were an abused victim ....i've seen so many of this women surrendered to these abusive behaviour without any knowledge that it is wrong! really really wrong...just because you were not hurt physically by your partner, it doesn't mean that it's okay to endured all of those silent and cold acts towards you...that's called abuse too honey....
to stand all the humiliation and cynic comment just to make you felt bad about yourself....to weaken your spirit so that you will not believe in your own ability to stand for what you believe...
any comment or acts that make you believe you were at fault in everything..they were all classified as abusal acts...
now, let us check those signs one by one...
(i)jealousy and possessiveness
~your partner will get enraged by other guy that smile to you on the streets or when you had lunch with your male coleague (and he kept on calling or texting you every 5 minutes to know whether you were finished your lunch or just to know your whereabout) and normally this will embarassed you and made your friends felt uneasy..
(ii)controlling behaviour
~when everything you did, you need to get his approval, he will poked his nose in everything you did, everyone you were out with or event in what you were wearing...you will felt like you'd betrayed him if you just ignored his remarks and went ahead with you own way...you will need to asked him in anything you plan or doing..if he said no, that was finaled..he will make you felt so helpless and so deep in guilt without his approval
(iii)verbal abuse
~your partner was so good in weaken your spirit..he will condemn anything you do that doesn't suit his need...he will crippled you with his language, killing your self esteem with his comment...in time you will believe that you are just as useless and weak as he said you were, this is not necessary in form of violent acts but this verbal abuse will kill you inside..slowly until you submit to his need only..sound scary huh...
(iv)threats to harm you and everyone or everything that you love
~this abuser will threaten you in any way that will make you feel insecure..so you will stay with him just that he won't hurting anyone that you love and he will want to be in-charge of your life and by threatening you, he can get you to say yes to anything he wanted..
(v)isolation from friends and family
~he never can fitted into your family, he wouldn't be happy with your friends...whenever you talk about getting together with your friends or family, he will get you a task that will restrained you from doing so...he will make you feel bad if you wanted to help any family or friends of you..he will always think bad of your family members intention and try to get you as far as you can from everyone that you felt at ease with....remember..you are more helpless if you are alone without any support..
now my ladies...what do you think of all these? still got any excuse for him?
you might not realise all these until now...do you? many women may be in a potentially abusive relationship and might not even know it...hmmm..another surprise..and when you know it..it's too late....
it's not new though for i am very sure that women are so good in denying and making excuses for their abuser...
another question is just this..why is that? are they so in need of that relationship? are they so in love with the man? or are they just love to be succumbed to this abuser....
but i did see some of this victim kind of like the idea of being loyal and good wife by agreeing to all the abusive treatment towards them...some did complaint and talked to others but still they can't get out or just never think of getting out of that situation...why is that?
-feeling scared of their abuser?
-feeling afraid of the idea in begin a new life alone?
-feeling insecure and don't trust anyone to give them any hand?
-or they really have no other place to turn to?
well i do think we should looked back to how the system can give any hope to all those victims that have courage to freed themselves;
(i)in Malaysia we have Jabatan Kebajikan and the court (judicial system) and the police department (the authority we call them).
(ii) to get protective order from the court the victim have to make police report and give a copy to jabatan kebajikan (you might want to prepare yourself of how this people that is going to handle your report will response to your situation)
-i've heard that a woman made police report against her threatening husband..and some laughed at her face....
(iii)only after Jabatan Kebajikan get the copy of report then they will help in getting the protective order from the judge..i'm not quite sure of the how the enforcement going to work here or whether its does work..but i will get this info (for my own knowledge if not for helping others)
still... the only one that can help those in this situation is themselves..no more denying, no more excuses for your abusive partner..;
no more..he is nice most of the time only when he......its actually my fault, i shouldn't do it knowing he didn't like @ approved of it..bla..bla..bla..
these men so clever and charming..they will pampered you with gifts and sweet words to bribe you...(it's not guilty or apologize)
verbal abuse is the earlier signs...when you make yourself used to this, the violent act will come at the later and for some it was too late and it can get you and your loved ones killed..anyone wanted to have more i can share with their one link that telling an experience of a woman that for us..she had done everything that was right to set herself and her family free from her abuser but still in the end..it claimed her teenage daughter's life...you don't want this to happen to you..i guarantee that...
untuk semua wanita di luar sana..sekiranya pasangan anda cemburu yang keterlaluan, mengongkong, di mana setiap apa yang anda lakukan, atau dengan siapa anda bergaul haruslah dipersetujui olehnya..maka itu adalah tanda tanda awal penderaan terhadap anda..sekiranya pasangan anda berkasar dengan anda (walau tidak meninggalkan tanda atau kecederaan), jangan lah membuat alasan untuk tindakan dia kerana sekiranya anda membenarkan ia berlaku untuk pertama kalinya, maka bagi pembuli, ia adalah tanda anda sanggup menerima penangan yang kedua dan seterusnya...anda fikir mereka ini sayang kepada anda? mungkin anda perlukan kamus yang lebih baik untuk definisi kasih sayang untuk anda..
ramai wanita di negara kita masih agak jahil tentang perkara ini..mungkin sebab yang terbesar adalah mereka menganggap tindakan mereka menerima penghinaan sebegitu rupa terhadap diri mereka adalah atas dasar kesetiaan dan keinginan untuk menjadi seorang isteri yang baik..mungkin anda harus berfikir, anda hanya punya satu nyawa dan tindakan untuk mendiamkan diri dan menerima segala perbuatan penderaan ini umpama membunuh diri dan anak anak anda...jangan letakkan diri anda di tempat yang terendah dengan menerima layanan buruk dan kata kata yang melemahkan semangat anda...
anak yang melihat ibunya didera oleh insan bergelar bapa juga akan mengalami kerosakan jiwa yang teruk..mereka akan tergugat dari segi keyakinan diri dan keupayaan mereka untuk bersosial juga akan terjejas..
jadi sekiranya anda tidak sayang dengan diri anda sendiri, mungkin sudah tiba saatnya anda mula fikirkan tentang orang yang sayang dan ambil berat tentang diri anda....
beritahu dan minta bantuan dari rakan rakan mungkin adalah langkah permulaan yang bagus dan bijak...sekiranya rakan yang anda minta bantuan ini tidak sanggup untuk membantu atas alasan tidak mahu terlibat, maka mereka bukanlah rakan yang sepatutnya untuk anda...
hubungi saya sekiranya anda keseorangan dalam perkara ini..mungkin tidak banyak yang saya mampu lakukan tetapi saya rasa banyak rakan rakan saya di luar sana yang saya kenali akan sanggup untuk menghulurkan bantuan...
~~remember my friends...you responsible for how the others treated you....~~
No comments:
Post a Comment